Early morning

This morning was an early one. The kids were up at 5:30 am. Why?!!! As much as I would love for them to sleep in until 8 and have trouble getting them up, the morning was kind of an answer to my prayers. Kendra, Logan and I played with Play Dough for an hour in between bites of breakfast. Which was actually kinda fun. I don't get that much time with Kendra in the morning because we are always rushing to eat and get dresses so we can get to school on time. In fact we had so much time we played, ate breakfast, got dressed and where off to school. The best part was, we arrived on time!

Last night Kendra was so tired and just wanted to go to bed. I laid down with her until she went to sleep. I don't get to do that much anymore. We talked for a little bit about whether or not she wanted us to withdraw from school or not. She went on to tell me that she likes going to school and does want to leave but she also wants to spend more time with me. I know she has to be a little jealous of Logan getting to stay at home all day with me. But she is also smart enough to know that if I were to keep her at home, she couldn't just sit in front of the TV all day. I think that was the kicker. I explained to her that we would pick out a school curriculum for us to use and she would have to do school work. The only difference would be she could do it here at home. She thought it all and decided that she wanted to stay at school.

I think as a mother, I want the absolute best for my babies. What mother doesn't? But as the mother I also have to think rationally about things and not make a big decision based on emotions at the time. As I was dropping off Kendra this morning we were talking about what she would be doing today in class. She loves the Art class that she goes to. She loves going to the library and getting a new book everyday. She is meeting new kids at recess and have new friends.

We will continue to pray for wisdom. This is one of those situations that I wish I could just call GOD on the phone and ask him what to do. That would be so much easier. At the moment, I think he is trying to teach me how to listen for his direction. GOD blessed Kendra with the amazing quality of resistance. I have to take a step back and take a long hard look at the bigger picture. I will continue working on clearing my afternoons so when Kendra comes home she gets one on one attention. I know that will be hard with Logan in the same room but we will make it happen.

Thinking

I cant help but notice the dullness in Kendra's eyes here recently. I dont know if it is from all the stress she is under with and at school or if she is really NOT liking attending class at all. When we ask her, she says that she like school and wants to stay but when you look at her, so much has changed. She has bags under her eyes (could be from the lack of sleep since her and Logan are forced to share a room right now), her chin is breaking out (maybe from stress), and she has developed this habit of chewing on the sleeves of her shirts or the neckline of her shirts. I have no idea what is going on. Kendra has always been very happy and full of energy. To a certain extent she still is but there is just something different about her. Something that I cant put my finger on just yet. I was telling Aaron this morning that it reminds me of him while he worked for Ben E. Keith. He just looked lifeless. Im seeing that in Kendra right now.

Of course, as a parent I feel like Im to blame in some sort of weird way. We love out little girl and I dont think we are "losing our grip on her" but Im not happy with where we are right now. Ive expressed my disappointment with the school and the way situations have been handled. Ive also told them that Kendra will remain in school until the first of the year. If Aaron and I feel things are not changing we will formally withdraw her and place her in a private school. Even if that means I have to get a job to help pay for it.

The whole situation is very sad. There are so many kids Kendra goes to school with that have parents that just dont give a damn about them. There was one mother that told me to my face that her child was not her responsibility when he was at school and she wasnt going to do anything to change what she was going to do at home with him. That almost made me cry on the spot. I could not believe that a parent would say that. The last thing we want is for Kendra (or Logan) to grow up in a bubble. We understand that they will be exposed to many things growing up. That's life. We

Maybe I have unrealistic ideas of how all parents raise their kids. This has been a huge wake up call for us. A Kendra's parents we have the responsibility to do the right thing by our child. If certain things are affecting her learning we have the power to make the situation better and maybe my moving her into a different room or school all together will be the answer.

Chilren Live What They Learn - Dorothy Law Nolte

I heard this poem at our last MOPS meeting. It put some things in perspective for me and what other kids maybe going through.

If children live with criticism
They learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility,
They learn to fight.
If children live with ridicufle,
They learn to be shy.
If children live with shame,
They learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement,
They learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance,
They learn to be patient.
If children live with praise,
They learn to appreciate.
If children live with acceptance,
They learn to love.
If children live with approval,
They learn to like themselves.
If children live with honesty,
They learn truthfulness.
If children live with security,
They learn to have faith in themselves and others.
If children live with friendliness,
They learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

* Hearing this came at a great time for me. There are a couple of kids in Kendra's class that we have been praying for every day. If I have learned anything while Kendra has been in school, it is that I need to make sure I step it up to the plate every single day and instill in her that she is loved and no matter what always show love.

I have not blogged in awhile and the feeling of actually doing it again is wonderful. It always seems to lift a burden of my shoulders.

We have been having a hard time with some of the kids at school picking on Kendra. When Kendra first came home telling me about it, I was stunned. I could not understand why someone would pick on my child. Especeialy when she is the one to always make "the new kid" feel welcomed. This was starting carry over and reflect in her school work. Praise the Lord that she had been in pre-school. She has not managed to fall behind. But there is a lack of doing her work.

I got the chance to go with her class on her very first field trip. I had such a good time!! (I hope Kendra had as much of a good time as I did.) That day gave me a clear view of what Kendra was having to deal with. All I can say is, that poor teacher. When you have 16 five year olds, all with type A personalities, there was bound to be chaos.

After many weeks of long talks, role playing with Barbies, and 3 meetings with the techer, we are starting see the light. We always thought we were doing a good job of raising Kendra. We never have problems with her. What we noticed was we were starting to slack on re-enforcing the very simople fact that we LOVE Kendra and no matter what happens, if she is HONEST with us, we will take her side.

We have started praying for some of her friends at school. We pray for Kendra to always show love and teach everyone with respect. We are stating to see our efforts in action. Things are looking better.