The Joiner House

2010-08-31T10:35:00.000-07:00

World Domination and Goals

I dropped Logan off at School for Little People for his 1st day of Preschool!!! It feels so weird being here at home by myself. I know the kids are doing great but what do I do? That is the question I have been asking myself alot here lately. There are so many things I want to do in and with my life.

I do know for thing that is for sure. I want to be there for my children. I love that I can be readily available for the kids if and when they need me. I was Kendra's homeroom mom last year and I loved it. I signed up to be homeroom mom for Logan's class this year. I like the idea of giving the kids their space while I can still be involved with them during the day. I want to be around them as long as I can before they start to get tired of me. On the flip side, the day is going to come when Im gonna have to branch off on my own.

I have been debating with the idea of having another kid but I dont think my reasons behind that idea are smart. It seems like all my friends are pregnant or having babies. Maybe I should get in on that action. But Im so busy with the two how could I possibly make time for another child?

Ive also been thinking about going back to school. Which is never a bad choice. Just in our situation, I would need a job that would allow me to work the same hours the kids are in school but would pay me enough to make it worth my wild. I am currently one credit away from applying to the nursing program. But whats gonna happen when all is said and done? What are the hours gonna be like? Am I gonna be able to work part time? Will I have help with the kids?

I spoke with my dad this morning. He and I have had a very colorful relationship to say the least. He encourged me to just be a stay at home mom and wife for the time being. He said I should be ok with the idea that the kids are growing up and its ok to take a little time for myself every now and then.

I think he might actually be right on this one.

Bottom line, I want to be the best wife and mother I can be to my family. Right now just might be the time when I have to throw out all the ideas of world domination and just take a little time for myself. Laundry, dirty dishes, dirty bathrooms, breakfast, lunch, dinner and everything else in between that I have the privilage of taking care of will still need my attention.

Thanks dad.

2010-08-30T18:50:00.000-07:00

We got the kids pics taken this past Saturday at Portrait Innovations. Everyday that passes, I find it harder to believe that they are as old as they are. Here are some of my favorites.

2010-08-27T06:33:00.000-07:00

Aaron and I recently spent some time in Sin City Las Vegas. We had a blast as we celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary. We are not the gambling and drinking til 6am couple. We enjoyed the sites and I went back home with some nasty blisters. Nonetheless, we would go back in a heart beat. Here are some pics we took.

2010-08-23T07:24:00.001-07:00

My sweet Kendra (1st Grader)

Today is August 23, 2010. It is the first day of 1st grade for Kendra. Walking her to class this morning was a surreal moment for me. I can not believe I have a 1st grader. It really does seem like yesterday that we brought her home from the hospital. Walking down the hall reminded me that time passes by in the blink of an eye.

With Logan starting preschool next week, I have been dealing with the question, What am I going to do while they are gone? Someone once told me that we grow the most when we experience change. I completely agree. I dont know what this school year is going to have in store for us. But for some reason I have a very good feeling about all of us growing and changing and thriving in new a amazing ways. Im so excited about this year!

2010-08-02T06:20:00.001-07:00

Summer has been flying by. The kids and I spent the later part of the week with my dad in Corpus. We had a great time! We went to The Texas State Aquarium and the USS Lexington. The kids had a blast. They had more fun on the Lexington. I couldnt believe that. And so it is. My dad and Joan were nice enough to watch the kids for me while I went out with an old freind. It was so great catching up with Jodi. Hadnt visited with her (other than saying hi in El Pato for like 30 sec) in almost nine years. Crazy how time flys. It seemed like yesterday I was rooming with her in SA. I will post pics later. For now, Im off to the grocery store.

2010-07-21T18:55:00.000-07:00

Ten Words Of The Day

1. Coffee
2. Wal-Mart
3. Target
4. enchildas
5. movie
6. telephone
7. cleaning
8. park
9. dinner
10. showers

**Im getting into the habit of drinking my coffee while reading my bible and studying for my recent bible study on Galatians. Im loving it! I totally believe starting my day off with the word of GOD puts my mind in the right place thru out the whole day.

2010-07-21T06:00:00.000-07:00

More thoughts on Marriage

Isaiah 54:5

"For your Maker is your husband-the Lord Almighty is his name-the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer."

Jeremiah 3:14

"Return, faithless people:, declares the Lord, "for I am your husband."

Hosea 2:19,20

"I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the Lord."

Matthew 2:2

"The kingdom of heaven is like a king who prepared a wedding banquet for his son."

Matthew 25:10

"But while they were on their way to buy the oil, the bridegroom arrived. The virgins who were ready went in with him to the wedding banquet. And the door was shut."

Revelation 19:7

"Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the lamb has come, and his bride had made herself ready."

The verses mentioned above are references to the oneness (marriage) between us and Christ (church). In my last blog, I said The Lord "COMMANDED us not to marry." I apologize. I was incorrect in saying that.

The kids and I went to visit my mom last week. For whatever the reason, we started to discuss this situation.

Genesis 2:18 - "The Lord God said, 'It is NOT good for the man to be alone. I will make him a helper suitable for him.'"

Bare with me on this. If we look at Adam's situation, he was completely alone in the world. NO other human being around. When Adam found no helper, God put him to sleep, removed a rib from him and made woman. How awesome is our GOD!!

Genesis 3:24 - "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh."

What about today? Unfortunately we do not live in that time. These days, if we can teach our children to use protection during sex, we feel accomplished. What about waiting until they are married? That seems like such an old tradition. Have we become such a sexually obsessed society that we marry just because we can not save ourselves for marriage? I will be the first one to admit I was.

People associate marriage with sex. While there is sex involved, there is so much more that goes into making up a marriage. What happens if you cant make the marriage work? Do you give up? Do you seek counseling? Do you do nothing about it and turn the other cheek? Today is not as simple, when society (your family, friends, co-workers) tells you to give up.

Marriage is not to be taken lightly. As a Christian, we have the duty to spread God's word first and foremost. Temptation is extremely difficult, but you shouldn't rush into marriage with the first person you come across just so you can give into your temptation justifiably.

Matthew 6:33,34 - "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

God has a will for each and every one of us. I have a wonderful friend that is 35 and NOT married. He has no ill feelings about NOT being married. He is already married to the most perfect person. Jesus Christ. He can not be left, hurt or lead astray. I cherish all the young people in our church. Grow in your faith first. Let Christ guide you and be your only provider. He will give you a mate in HIS perfect timing. When it feels it is not enough, take a moment to sit back and reflect on your decision to follow Christ.

2010-07-12T20:49:00.000-07:00

Marriage?

What does the Lord say about marriage?

Lets look at 1 Corinthians 7:1-9
1 Now for the matters you wrote about: it is good for a man NOT to marry.
2 But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband.
3 His husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the woman to her husband.
4 The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife.
5 Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and only for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
6 I say to your concession, not as a command.
7 I WISH ALL MEN WERE AS I. But each man has his own gift from God, one has this gift another has that gift.

8 NOW TO THE UNMARRIED AND WIDOWS I SAY: IT IS GOOD FOR THEM TO STAY UNMARRIED AS I AM.
9 BUT IF THEY CAN NOT CONTROL THEMSELVES, THEY SHOULD MARRY, FOR IT IS BETTER TO MARRY THAN TO BURN WITH PASSION.

I was on a conference call tonight with some of THE most wonderful Christian women I know. One of the girls (whom I assume is younger than me because she looks younger than me) talked about starting up a blog for "older women" (again, Im 27 and she looks younger than me) and how they can still serve God while NOT being married.

I cant understand why these girls desire to be married so badly. Is it because they think they are doing the Lord's work by BEING married and having children? God's word clearly states, we are to stay unmarried as he was.

I dont want to sound like a hypocrite since I married when I was 20. There was no doubt that I lacked self-control in the immorality department. But why these girls would be concerned about not being married is beyond me.

It is only my opinion, but I would think they could do so much more and spread the gospel to so many more people than I could ever dream of because of the simple fact, THEY HAVE NO OTHER RESPONSIBILITIES. For example, they could move to third world countries and do missionary work. As much as I feel the need to preach the word to more people, I simply cant due to my children's age. Im sure as they get older and more independant, I will be able to do more missionary work but right now, my focus is on the needs here in the home.

Maybe thats what they want. I dont know. But the way I see it, we are not to marry unless we can NOT control ourselves. Since we can not control ourselves, we get married. What happens when you get married? You have children. When we are blessed with our children, we open up a whole new can of worms to deal with.

2010-07-11T19:54:00.000-07:00

Interesting Tweet

Aaron and I read an interesting tweet. "Mom, why is Jesus in my heart? No idea how to get my 2 yr old to understand when I dont even understand how he could be in MY heart"

Reading that got the wheels in my brain turning. Aaron and I talked about it. What would we tell out own children? We would tell them that Jesus does not lives in their hearts because physically he physically cant. Christ was physically resurrected and is sitting on the right hand of GOD.

When we believe the gospel, we are called to repent (ask for forgiveness), be baptised (being submerged under water representing being buried with him. Then when we rise out of the water symbolizing being raised from the dead (a sinful life) leaving our old sinful life behind to walk in newness of life) and follow him.

We want his words to be written on our hearts. Now, does that mean literally? NO. It means, it is written in our souls our spirits. And our minds. Meaning in everything we do, we are to be thinking of him and acting like him at all times.

I thought this was such an interesting comment. I want to study more on this. I want to know the right thing to say.

2010-07-09T06:12:00.000-07:00

Doctor's Visit for Logan

My poor little man. He always seems to be sick. The last thing I want is to be "that mom" that takes her kid in for every thing sneeze and cough. But I think I have waited it out long enough. Logan has been coughing so bad at night that he cant sleep. Aaron, myself and Logan just went through our second night with no sleep. Poor Aaron, he has to go to work. At least I can stay home.

I recently went to the ENT doctor and he said I was deathly allergic to ALL air-borne mold. What?! Everything has mold!! He suggested that we move. Logan's doctor believes he has sinuses issues as well. Poor Logan has had 5 double ear infections with pink eye since Christmas. Its my understanding that Pediatricians are split right down the middle on sinus infections. I think if they saw Logan they would no longer be on the fence about it. I just finished my first rounds of allergy shots and Im hoping Logan wont have to go through the same thing. It is painful. I would hate to see that.

Kendra just keeps on trucking. I dont think her allergies are as bad. She is alot like Aaron is that sense. Although Aaron needs to go to just to get checked. We will be heading to the beach next week. Maybe GOD is telling our bodies that we need a good dose of the beach weather. At least thats what I would like to think.

Ten Words of the day

2010-07-07T19:36:00.000-07:00

Coffee
friends
doctor
pharmacy
lunch
BeautiControl
dinner
wall
hospital
bath

Today has been a crazy kind of day.

Recent reads

2010-06-29T06:00:00.001-07:00

I have been following this blogger recently. Sometimes what she says makes sense but other times, I find myself confused. One of her recent posts was about taking a one month no make-up break. She commented on how she felt when she left the house and would reach for her make-up bag. She also commented on how a few "certain girls" would make her feel less then worthy, I guess.

I really feel sorry for this person. Since her blog is mostly a blog for religious readers, she usually has good stuff. When I read this, I felt like she was crying out for help. I think she has been made to feel mad by a few people and wants other women to feel bad about their outward appearance like she did. Thank goodness, I wont be falling for that. This coming from a girl that wears make-up ONE day of the week. I has taken me a long time to get to the point where I refuse to waste my time on what people think of me and my less than perfect look.

I did agree with her when she mentioned that society in general thinks less of people with a more modest house or non designer label tages or driving a paid of car that happens to be a few years older.

I try to live by this verse - "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life ?"
Matthew 6:26-28

I would say to the author of the blog, true friends wont do that to each other. Non-judgemental people (which we are suppose to be as Christians) will not have a thought in their head about how much make-up you are or arent wearing etc.

Logan's 3rd Birthday

2010-06-28T06:07:00.000-07:00

We celebrated Logan's 3rd birthday Saturday! I cant believe my little boy is frowing up so fast. His first birthday he got sick. He second birthday was overshadowed by our move. So this year, we made it a big deal. We went camping with my dad and his wife. My sister and a friend of hers showed up. My uncle Larry was there also. Needless to say, Logan had a great time. We love our little man so very much. Aaron and I are so blessed to have the amazing children that we do. We only have GOD to thank. We wanted to share a few pictures. God Bless.

The Division of the Covenants II

2010-06-24T12:07:00.001-07:00

Its been awhile but Im finally get around to finishing Scott's lesson on the Division of The Covenants.

Forgive me. I dont remember where I left off. Under the old law, there was no forgiveness without the shedding of an animal sacrifice.

Hebrews 9:22-27 (King James Version)

22And almost all things are by the law purged with blood; and without shedding of blood is no remission.

23It was therefore necessary that the patterns of things in the heavens should be purified with these; but the heavenly things themselves with better sacrifices than these.

24For Christ is not entered into the holy places made with hands, which are the figures of the true; but into heaven itself, now to appear in the presence of God for us:

25Nor yet that he should offer himself often, as the high priest entereth into the holy place every year with blood of others;

26For then must he often have suffered since the foundation of the world: but now once in the end of the world hath he appeared to put away sin by the sacrifice of himself.

27And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment:

28So Christ was once offered to bear the sins of many; and unto them that look for him shall he appear the second time without sin unto salvation.

Characteristics of the new covenant:

1. Everyone can partake of the promises from GOD unlike the new covenant.
1 Tim 2:4 Who will have all men to be saved, and to come unto the knowledge of the truth
Galatians 3:28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.

2. This is the final covenant. Nothing will ever replace it.

3. This is the covenant bound by spitual things, not fleshly things like in the old covenant.

Romans 8:2 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death.

3For what the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh, God sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh:

4That the righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.

4. Under the new covenant, we have a new and better high priest than the old testament. Hebrews 4:15 For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. NOW we pray to GOD through Christ.

5. We have the opprotunity to become new and clean. 2 Corninthians 5:17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. * This is the complete opposite of the old covenant, where wrongs were carried over.

6. We were crucified with Christ. Galatians 2:20 I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.

7. The New Covenant is superior to the old covenant in so many ways.

Colossians 2:14-17 (King James Version)

14Blotting out the handwriting of ordinances that was against us, which was contrary to us, and took it out of the way, nailing it to his cross;

15And having spoiled principalities and powers, he made a shew of them openly, triumphing over them in it.

16Let no man therefore judge you in meat, or in drink, or in respect of an holyday, or of the new moon, or of the sabbath days:

17Which are a shadow of things to come; but the body is of Christ.

* Christ freed us from a law that was impossible to live up to. Much of the New Testament was written to discourage Jews from resorting to the old law or from teaching Gentiles that they must obey the old law as well.

We are not to disregard the Old Testament. It is there for our learning. In fact 9 out of the 10 commandments are given in the New Testament but intensified.

1. John 15:12 (King James Version)

12This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.

2. Matthew 5:27 (King James Version)

27Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:

Are the Ten Commandments still in effect? In principle they are. Jesus is now mediator.

Because the New Testament is written in our hearts, doesnt mean we are free to do whatever we want in our like and our worship. If that were the case then we could stil cling to the old law. The New Testament gives us very specific expectations for the way we worship and the way we live our lives. We CAN NOT just do whatever feels right in our hearts. We still live by GOD's standards. The Covenant is conditional upon the obedience of men to the Gospel of the Lord.

Matthew 7:21 (King James Version)

21Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven

22Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?

23And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

The covenant obliges God to forgive the sins of the baptized, repentant believer, to have fellowship with all such Christians, and to provide eternal life to all Christians after the resurrection.

Romans 10:9-10 (King James Version)

9That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.

10For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.

1 Corinthians 9:24-27 (King James Version)

24Know ye not that they which run in a race run all, but one receiveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain.

25And every man that striveth for the mastery is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a corruptible crown; but we an incorruptible.

26I therefore so run, not as uncertainly; so fight I, not as one that beateth the air:

27But I keep under my body, and bring it into subjection: lest that by any means, when I have preached to others, I myself should be a castaway.

The New Covenant obliges Christians to follow their Lord and obey him, repenting and petitioning their Lord for forgiveness whey they stumble.

1 Corinthians 11:1-2 (King James Version)

1Be ye followers of me, even as I also am of Christ.

2Now I praise you, brethren, that ye remember me in all things, and keep the ordinances, as I delivered them to you.

If we were free to live our lives the way we want or worship however we want, why would we have to ask for forgiveness? Christ came to fulfill the old law. After his resurrection, Jesus says the following to HIS disciples in Luke 24:44
And he said unto them, These are the words which I spake unto you, while I was yet with you, that all things must be fulfilled, which were written in the law of Moses, and in the prophets, and in the psalms, concerning me.

Jesus did fulfill the law, leaving a better law for us. Jesus Christ through fulfilling the law was able to replace the covenant between God and Israel with a better covenant based on better promises, forgiveness, love, an everlasting spiritual kingdom open to all who obey: this was the eternal purpose of God in Christ Jesus. No more slaves to this law, but adopted sons and daughters.

Galatians 4:5-6 (King James Version)

5To redeem them that were under the law, that we might receive the adoption of sons.

6And because ye are sons, God hath sent forth the Spirit of his Son into your hearts, crying, Abba, Father.

Hebrews 8:7-12 (King James Version)

7For if that first covenant had been faultless, then should no place have been sought for the second.

8For finding fault with them, he saith, Behold, the days come, saith the Lord, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and with the house of Judah:

9Not according to the covenant that I made with their fathers in the day when I took them by the hand to lead them out of the land of Egypt; because they continued not in my covenant, and I regarded them not, saith the Lord.

10For this is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days, saith the Lord; I will put my laws into their mind, and write them in their hearts: and I will be to them a God, and they shall be to me a people:

11And they shall not teach every man his neighbour, and every man his brother, saying, Know the Lord: for all shall know me, from the least to the greatest.

12For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more.

The New Covenant - Part 1

2010-05-19T20:16:00.000-07:00

First off, I have to thank Scott Faulk. He had a lesson over the two covenants a couple of months ago and it struck a cord with me. I asked him to email me his notes so I could pick his brain and do my own studying. Its been a great lesson for me. Im starting off with some verses from Romans. Hope to have more up soon.

Romans 8
1There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.

2For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death.

3For what the law could not do, in that it was weak through the flesh, God sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, and for sin, condemned sin in the flesh:

4That the righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.

Scott made a good point in mentioning that most people identify the New Testament with the first four gospels (it starts with the life of Christ). While that is true, the first four gospels are NOT the New Testament. It is one of the most common made mistakes among Christians. "Not identifying the New Covenant is a trap that Satan has used to keep us ignorant".

The New Covenant was to be written on the hearts of men not on tabs of stone.

Kendra

2010-05-19T11:01:00.000-07:00

Kendra turned 6 last weekend! I cant believe she is 6 years old! Its so cheesy to say, but I feel like i just brought her home yesterday. Wasnt it yesterday? Kendra has grown so much and so fast. There are those days when I wish she I could wrap her up in her blanket and hold her close to me. Most days, she wants to run, jump, skip or ride her bike right past me. As much as I would love to keep her a baby forever, I know thats impossible and would be an injustice to her. I love watching her learn and grow to this amazingly breath-taking little lady. Thank you Lord for my sweet baby angel.

That's my Logan

2010-05-05T18:00:00.001-07:00

So much has been going on. I will be glad when I can breathe again. It started last Wednesday. I dont get to work out much but when I do, Ive noticed the kids act their worst. I kept telling Logan, "dont stick your finger in the treadmill. Dont stick your finger in the treadmill!" So what does he do? He sticks not one but all his fingers in the treadmill! I had to pull the emergency stop and try to get his fingers out. After I examined him head to toe - he was fine - I about died from embarrassment. It just so happen that that day the rec room was full. Im sure everyone thought I was the worse mom ever. We got back to the apt and bandaged him up.

Friday night after Kendra's dance rehearsal we went out to eat for dinner. The kids were wonderful. That should have been my first cue that something was going to happen. As the server was bring out our check, Logan started to climb up the back of his high chair. I guess it got top heavy and he went tumbling back. Somehow, he got his feet stuck in the gap of the high chair and when he landed, the back of his head hit the ground. That wasnt the worse part. As he landed, the high chair smacked him in the face. I thought we were going to have to rush him to the hospital. His forehead swelled instantly. After a couple of hours he showed no signs or symptoms of a concussion. Praise the Lord.
Saturday after the recital, Logan was running across the lawn to meet a friend. Now, when Logan runs his head is down. Well Logan ran right smack into a tree and cut up his already injured forehead.

Sunday morning Kendra and Logan were playing. What else could happen but Logan gets a head to the cheek. Logan jumped on Kendra's back and when he did that, Kendra's head came up and whacked him in the cheek.

Im so thankful that someone has not reported me to CPS. My poor son. His injuries were so bad, I didnt want to take pictures because they were so bad.

We have Kendra's birthday party coming up this weekend. Its a pool party. So we went out and got him a full body life suit. Im gonna keep that kid in a bubble this weekend.

Great Friends

2010-04-29T11:35:00.000-07:00

As usual, life has been crazy around here. I recently returned from Los Angeles, California to celebrate my best friend, Ashley, 27th birthday. I had such a great time!! Being a mom for the past (almost) 7 years was really weighing on my heart. I didn't want my single friends thinking I was no fun anymore. Come 10pm I was rip-roarin and ready to head out the door. My dear friends still had not picked out their clothes. Or applied their make up or had their hair done. We didn't end up leaving until almost midnight. I have to admit, that drove me a little bonkers, but something did happen that I will always cherish. The amazing conversations we had while they were getting ready. That will be something that will play back in my mind till the end. The laughing, the great music, and the great "What to wear" debate. I loved being in that moment. My head was instantly flooded with old memories hanging out in Ashley's room getting ready to party on another Friday night after the football game. It was as if we never missed a Friday night. Ashley and Monica have been so supportive of my decision to marry young and have children. Although, they like to remind me that I was suppose to be the last one in the group to accomplish those tasks. How Ive missed these ladies being in my everyday life. Plus, I would be lying if I said I didn't get a kick out of every time they called me a MILF. They reminded me I can still be married with children and be a hot twenty something living it up in LA.

I cant leave out my dearest friend Thomas. Thomas has been that one constant friend in my life that I could call and spill my guts and he would be right there with a comforting word or a ride home. I could just sit and listen and hang on every word that comes out of his mouth. He is the kind of smart that words cant describe. He brings a smile to my face every time he is around and I love him for so many reasons. I would like to say "poor guy", but really? I don't think so. He was defiantly the Cool Guy the whole trip. What guy wouldn't be jealous of another guy with three hot chicks on his arm?

Running back and forth from Ashley's room to the living room where Thomas was, kept my energy going leading me to believe I Could hang with my friends. It was a great and memorable trip! Those three people (Ashley, Mona and Thomas) have been the fibers in the fabric of my life (chessy I know but needed to be said). However old we get, these are the people that I know will be right by my side.

Strawberry Blueberry Speeding Ticket

2010-03-30T13:44:00.000-07:00

How silly was I to think today was going to be a good day. For once, I got Kendra off to school with time to kill. It wasnt until I noticed the police officer was pulling me over that my heart sang. He said he got me going 29 in a 20 school zone. Ive have decided to fight it. I was coming around a corner where the speed limit is 30. Naturally I started slowing down when the saw the bliking yellow lights flashing, indicating a school zone. Not only did I slow down but I had to come to a complete stop to let kids cross the street followed by another car turning right. Not only did he follow me into the school parking lot but the guy was blowing his siren!! AWWW!!!!!! I pulled over (did not want to be accused of not coperrating). He came up to the window and asked for my driver's license (at which time, I handed him my debt card by accident). I still had Kendra in the car with me. I asked him if she could go on the class so she wasnt late. He said that was fine, but I had to stay to finish up with the ticket. Kendra had to walk to rest of the school parking lot by herself. That pissed me off!! There were so many cars, I could just see her getting hit. Court is in 10 days.

The rest of day went considerably well. It wasnt until after we picked up Kendra and came home. I made strawberry, blueberry and banana smoothies for snack. I told Logan 1000 times, "DONT SPILL IT! DONT SPILL IT!" I dont think he heard me. Now, I have a HUGE stain in the middle of my carpet. Well,....not my carpet but the apartment that we live in. GREAT! I can kiss the deposit good bye.

Aaron is out of town tonight. Again. Im trying to regain the confidence to take them to this open house for a school in town. Oh LORD give me strength.

Proverbs

2010-03-25T12:01:00.000-07:00

Aaron suggested the easiest way for me to always be reading GOD's word is to read 1 Proverb a day. The following verses are ones that stood out to me from each chapter. Im hoping to be able to list one every day.

'Listen, my son, to your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching. They will be a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck.' Proverbs 1:8-9

'My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of GOD.' Proverbs 2:1-5

'The wise inherit Honor, but fools he holds up to shame.' Proverbs 3:35

'Above all else, guard you heart, for it is the wellspring of life.' Proverbs 4:23

Getting ready for Recital

2010-03-11T04:59:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrWMBC6yoME

This is the song that Kendra will be dancing to in her first ballet recital. Im so excited to watch her dance! She loves dancing and is a natural at it. I know it is still a few weeks away but she is practicing every day.

I can not believe that one day my daughter will be gone from our home. I hope and pray that it wont be for a while. I will record the performance and post it for you to see.

SEX

2010-02-16T11:25:00.000-08:00

HA! Gotcha ya! Do I have your attention now? Funny how that this little 3 letter word can cause such a huge uproar with so many people. Its just a word for goodness sake. Right?

Whats so crazy about this word is the amount of discussion there is on it. You can find a wide range of topics that cover sex and health, sex and marriage, and sex and religion. Did you read that last one? Sex and Religion. That's right. I think most people, whether in the church or not, don't think that the two can go hand and hand.

I'm reading a new book called "Intimate Issues. 21 Questions Christian Women Ask About Sex" by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus. Normally, I wouldn't read anything like this, but when my Saint of a sister-in-law, Jennifer, said it was a good read, I grabbed it. Its taken me awhile to get around to reading it but I'm so glad I have finally started it.

You should know starting out, whatever I read Aaron gets a full report. I love listening to his feed back because he always has great comments and gets me thinking. Sometimes more than the book does.

The book starts off giving 6 reasons why GOD gave us the gift of sex. 1. So that we may create life. 2. For intimate oneness. 3. For knowledge. 4. For pleasure. 5. A defense against Temptation. 6. For comfort.

I would like to start of with the first reason, "So that we may create life". The writers give us the scripture Genesis 1:28 (be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth). As Christian women, we've all heard that one. For such a long time, I hated this statement. I thought, "Oh no! Now, that I'm a Christian, all I'm good for is making babies." It goes onto saying in Genesis 2:28-29 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and they will become one flesh. The man and the woman were both naked and they felt no shame." You know they got to know one another because Eve gave birth to Cain and Abel. So you see, babies are the outcome of the sex. And the physical act of child birth was women's punishment for eating the forbidden fruit (Genesis 3:16a). Your DESIRE will be for your husband (Genesis 3:16b).

If we keep reading Genesis, you will find in chapter 4, Cain found a wife from NOD. NOD was east of Eden. Did Eve have girls? NO. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but Cain and Abel are the only children that Eve bore. Just because we are women does not mean that the only time we can have sex with our husbands is just to get pregnant.

Move to 1 Corinthians 7:4-5 "the wife's body does not belong to her alone but also the husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife." Here is the kicker (verse 5) "DO NOT deprive each other except by mutual consent and only for a time, so that you can devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

I ask you? Why are there women in the world that are not physically able to bare children? Does GOD not love them? Absolutely not! GOD gave us sex so that we may share ourselves with our spouse in the most intimate way possible. Like the example in Ephesians 5:29-32, "After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church. For we are members of his body. For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery - but I am talking about Christ and the church."

I guess what Im getting to would be sex was created for husband and wife's ENJOYMENT with each other. Just read Song of Soloman. There is NO mention of birth control in the BIBLE. But that doesnt mean we shouldn't use it. The LABOR of child birth is our punishment for eating the forbidden fruit. Not the act of having sex. It is a great privilege being a woman. Lets celebrate that! With our husbands!

Grace

2010-02-11T10:54:00.001-08:00

So Im reading this book on Grace based parenting. I dont know if Im learning things for myself or for the kids. In one of the chapters, Dr. Kimmel uses this verse; "If you, O Lord, kept a record of sins, O Lord, you could not stand. But with you there is forgiveness: THEREFORE you are FEARED." (Psalms 130: 3-4) How absolutely beautiful is that?!

Its just my personal believe that you should follow that up with Paul's writings in Romans 7. Starting in verse 15: "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do-this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. (picking up in verse 24) What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to GOD - through Jesus Christ our Lord."

Now it could just be me, but this should explain so many of our mistakes. While we are to live in the world but not be of the world, sometimes, we fall off that band wagon and screw up. If it were not for GOD forgiving us and letting us live with Grace, knowing that we are simple stupid humans, humanity as a whole would perish. I want to do the good or right thing all the time but in my feeble attempts, I mess up. Im learning each and every day that it is a new day every day and that being apart of the family of GOD, I get a second chance every day.

Tattoo agrument

2010-02-03T09:17:00.000-08:00

Im reading this book written by Dr. Tim Kimmel. So far it has been a good book. Then I came up to this particular argument. Directions regarding "why" kids want to get tattoos. Dr. Kimmel starts off by saying, "we dont use the Bible to put words in GOD's mouth that he didnt say." He starts off this discussion with Leviticus 19:28. (THE NEXT COUPLE OF PARAGRAGHS ARE DR. TIM KIMMEL'S WORDS. NOT MINE.)

Leviticus 19:28 - Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the Lord.

Thats pretty clear- that is, if we believe we can use a Bible verse without any regard for the context in which it appears. Many peope use verses out of context to win selfish arguments and justify what they selfishly want. Using GOD'S word out of context to win your argument is a variation of taking GOD's name in vain - something strictly forbidden in the Ten Commandments. Obviously, a person that respects GOD's word would desire to use it properly, especially when trying to direct a child throught the maze of childhood.

If we study Leviticus 19:28 in its context, we see that it isnt talking about tattoos in general, but tattoos that identify a person with a pagan deity or pagan practice. Two verses before, it forbids the eating of meat with blood in it. Does this mean you cant eat your steaks rare? Not at all. This is talking specifically about the meat that was being offered as a sacrifice for their sin, not an evening out at Morton's. The verse directly before the verse on tattoos condems men cutting their hair on the side or trimming their beards. Does that mean men cant get haircuts or go around clean-shaven? Of corse not. In that culture, men wore their hair long and their beards untrimmed. Pagans trimmed the sides of their heads and the edges of their beards in such a way that it identified them with a specific heathen god or a specific heathen practice. Thats not why men trim their hair or go clean-shaven today. When men get their hair cut, they dont light candles to some dark deity - at least not at my barbershop. They might light up a cigar, but there is nothing about that process that is n deference to a pagan deity.

Which brings us back to Leviticus 19:28. It says first that we are not to "cut our bodies for the dead." This refers to distinctive marks on the face that anyone could look at and know we are part of a pagan ritual. GOD didnt want them giving credence to the false beliefs that attributed power or influence to the dead. In the next breath, the verse says, "or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the Lord." Folowing down the contextual line, Moses is referring to distinctive tattoos that identified a person as a follower of a particular pagan deity. Moses writes that they are to make sure they dont make permanent marks on their bodies (cutting or writting) that give credence to a pagan ritual or god in a specitic way.

*** Aaron nor I have a tattoo or are thinking about getting one, but this is a touchy subject. I, personally, dont see anything wrong with tattoos but a friend of mine told me, its not what I think. Its what GOD's words says. I would like to hear some thoughts on this.

New Idea

2010-01-27T11:09:00.000-08:00

Was reading my book Grace Based Parenting my Dr. Tim Kimmel and came across a chapter that got met to thinking. He was going over a couple of articles he had clipped out of the paper in research for this book. He came across an article entitled "If I could do it over again". Now considering, this is a "parenting" book, he was talking about things that parents wish they could have done over with their children. Most of the comments were about how they raised them but the little things. Which, sometimes, can be HUGE!

I thought, how true that is! Whenever Ive had a hard day with Logan, how does it end up? Me screaming at him and making him cry. Over what? Dr. Kimmel's books is teaching me so much about Grace and how to implement it into our everyday lives. It seems like I learn something new every day.

I did not make a "New Year's Resolution" because I dont believe in them but, I think I will try to look back on each day and vow to "do things over" the next day. With Kendra in school, Im realizing, how fast time truly flys. I find myself having a hard time with that. I dont want to wake up one day and find Kendra and Logan 18 and out of the house and wondering what I ever did wrong.

Not going so well

2010-01-26T11:22:00.000-08:00

The potty training is not going well at all!! I dont know what Im doing wrong! We've tried offering candy, toys, anything just to get Logan to even sit on the potty. He screams when I put him on it. I dont know if he is scared about something or what but I cant understand it. He use to tell me when he needed to go pee but now he wont even do that. I've tried using the timer and taking him every 20 minutes, but nothing ever comes out and as soon as I take him off the pot he peeps on the floor. Same results when I put him in "Big Boy" underwear. NOT Pull Ups. He runs around having fun then will just pee on the carpet. We live in an appartment and Im getting tired of all the cleaning. Nothing seems to be working with this kid. UGGGGG!

January update

2010-01-22T11:57:00.000-08:00

Not much of anything had been happening lately. Looks like Aaron will be staying in Beaumont 3 days out of every week starting next week. Yeah :( Oh well, its what we signed up for right? I dont think it will to hard for me. Considering the time he gets home as it is and the time the kids go to bed. But it is totally going to suck not having anyone to talk to. I guess its going to be a lot of Tru Blood re-runs. That is until Season 2 comes out on ITunes.

We did not nominate Kendra for GT classes like I was hoping. Instead, her teacher and I thought it would be better for Kendra to start out in an Idea Group. That would be like a bridge program into GT classes. Kendra is doing very well in school and is capable but we dont want to push her to hard just to have it back fire on us. Which makes perfect sense. Glad I didnt push for it.

We are still working with Logan on his potty training. NO success yet. Well, at least with him pooping in the potty. I hoping for something to happen soon. I HATE buying diapers! I was reading an article eariler about how to potty train your kid in 3 days. It only cost $50. Now, I dont know if that is a good deal or not but I would gladly pay $50 to not continue wiping a poopy butt. I think I just talked myself into mentioning this to Aaron.

Kendra has started taking ballet lessons once a week for one hour. She is loving it! The instructor says, for not having any experience, she is doing really well. At first I didnt think they would let her preform in the recital but after just a few lessons, it looks like she is going to preform with the rest of her class. Yeah!!! She is a little nervous about getting up in front of a lot of people to preform but I know she will do awesome! Plus, Im sure it will help to have ALL her family there.

Aaron and I have been busting butt to get back into shape. We are watching what we are eating. No restricting calories but NO sugar! NO junk food in the house. Poor kids. NO more ice cream. More fruits and veggies. Less meat. Which I thought Aaron would have a big problem with but come to find out, less meat isnt really bothering him. He plays basketball one night a week on top of his work. Im doing some work out videos at home, but looking for a gym. Most of the gyms around here wont let you bring a child thats not potty trained.

Like I said, not much has been going on.

To MDO or Not

2010-01-08T11:31:00.000-08:00

Should I feel guilty about wanting to put Logan in a Mother's Morning Out when I dont have a job?

I dont think I would have these feelings if Logan was a little bit more independant. It seems like all he wants to do is wrap himself around my leg. That would be fine but I cant get away to do anything. When I leave him to play by himself, he follows me just whinning and begging me to come back and play with him. People might think I never play with him the way he gets upset. At the end of the day, I always feel tired and get aggrevated with him. I hate that! I dont like getting upset with him. I guess Im struggling with trying to justify putting him a MDO.

Some Facts about Christmas

2009-12-06T14:38:00.001-08:00

First off, I have to give a shot out to my friend Christine Elliott. It is because of her I read 'The Case For Christ' by Lee Strobel. If I hadn't read that book I would have never read 'The Case for Christmas' by Lee Strobel (which I am reading currently). So a big Thank You Christine is in order, because without you "strongly suggesting" to read that book, I would have never had my eyes opened. THANK YOU!!

What I am getting to is a passage I read today. It is on page 19 (for ya'll that have the book. If you don't, get it!). ** A little background info, this is a book based on facts.

"When Was Jesus Born?"
"History doesn't pinpoint Jesus' birthday. Spring is most likely, because shepherds were watching their flocks at night and this is when ewes bore their young. In fact, around AD 200, theologians concluded Jesus was born on May 20. "Others", said journalist Terry Mattingly, "argued for dates in April and March. This wasn't a major issue, since early Christians emphasized the Epiphany on January 6, marking Christ's baptism."

Continue on page 20

"In AD 385, Pope Julius I declared December 25 as the day for celebrating Christ's birth. "He chose that date," Christian researcher Gretchen Passantino told me, "partly to challenge the pagan celebration of the Roman god Saturnalia, which was characterized by social disorder and immorality"

I never knew any of this. How interesting a pope had to CHOSE a day that was to symbolize peace and love because the Roman people of that time worshiped a god of such chaos. today, people will make such a big deal and go way out of their way to "worship" Santa and other things when it is a MADE UP holiday. Now, I'm not taking anything away from the fact that Christmas time Is suppose to represent a time of showing love and giving. The kids love to look at the lights and put up the tree and decorate it and receive gifts from family and friends. With all the hype of surrounding the faux reason for celebrating "Christ-mas", let's NOT forget the real reason why we celebrate (each and every different way we do) the holiday in the first place. We are to be celebrating CHRIST BIRTH.

Just some thoughts

2009-12-05T07:34:00.000-08:00

The kids and I went to Christmas in the Park last night. The weather may have been in the 20's but we were having fun. Singing Christmas songs as we walked and drinking hot chocolate to help keep our seemingly freezing bodies warm. Poor Logan's little nose was turning a bright shade of red while Kendra's teeth chattered. We walked around the park and saw all the pretty displays and made our way over to the most popular attraction, the Hayrides.

As we waited in line, Logan and I struggled to keep him wrapped up. We've never been in weather that cold before so the kids were not as bundled up as most of the other kids but they didn't seem to care. A lady in front of us gave us an extra beenie she had been carrying for her grandson. After I thanked her, Kendra asked me why the lady did that. I told Kendra that the lady was concerned about Logan not staying warm enough. I opened my eyes and really looked at my kids. They were very bundled up and warm. Kendra had on her coat and an extra blanket. Logan had on 2 shirts, a jacket and was wrapped up in a blanket. We may not have had the warmest of coats on but the kids and I were having fun and didn't have a care in the world.

While in line Kendra and I had a talk about how there are some people in the world that didn't have any blankets or coats to keep them warm. I went on to tell Kendra, so many people get caught up in the commercial Christmas and forget or pay little attention to the REAL meaning of Christmas. The Lutheran Church across the street was having a LIVE Nativity. We journeyed over to watch. Kendra and Logan were so much more interested in the re-enactment of the First Christmas than they would have been with a Fake Santa.

I made me realize the greatest gift was already given to us when Christ died and was risen; A chance for Eternal Salvation. He came to this world, lived a PERFECT life, and gave his life for ME. I tend to forget that. He gave so much for us. I just pray that Aaron and I continue to be blessed enough to give to others.

Thanksgiving 2009

2009-12-03T13:06:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving has come and gone and Christmas is right around the corner. I cant believe it! Where has the time gone. I wish I could report that our Thanksgiving went off without a hitch but I would be lying.

I picked up my mom from Houston airport on Tuesday and the 1 1/2 hr car ride back home was tense. We had to stop at 11 at night and pick her up a pillow; which was fine but I had Kendra in the car with us and I just wanted to get home. Then when we finally got home she stayed up until 1 am washing her face and doing GOD knows what else.

The next day was Wednesday. I had a ton of stuff to get done before we left. I had laundry to do, 5 pumpkin pies to make, pack for 4 people and then get it all into the car. I will admit, she did sort of help me keep the kids occupied. Kendra finally stepped in and make ALL 5 pies for me. I am not stretching that by any means of the imagination. Kendra really lifted a ton of bricks of my shoulders. After we got everything packed in the car, it was off to Wells Fargo to sign the papers on the sell of our house. Yeppee!! We had been waiting on that for 21 days after the original close date (thanks to all the people in the valley that operate on a totally different time than the rest of the world). After al was finally said and done at the bank, we were able to head out of town. Thanks to me, we drove 45 mins until I realized I has forgotten the kids outfits for their pictures. GREAT!! So we had to turn around and get those. After a 3 1/2 hr drive to Ft Worth at about 11:30 pm. When we go there the kids of coarse wanted to stay with Grammie so I closed our door. I was still hearing little voices at 1:30 in the morning. Why?

Thanksgiving was finally here. At last. The morning we all got dressed and managed to make it out the door and arrive on time to Phil and Jennifer's house. We has a blast there. I has such a great time with Jennifer and holding my newest nephew Noah. He is sooo sweet! Knowing my mom has a terrible pet allergy, I asked Jen and Sherry to keep the dogs outside. They were great about it but mom still had to comment and make faces.

The original plan was to take her to Grapevine on Friday so she could meet up with one of her friends so that way on Saturday she could help me with the kids while we got their pictures taken. That didn't happen. Her friend never called her and all she wanted to do was stay in the room. Fine. So I left her there. Jennifer and I went out and about while the kids played (with Sherry watching) and we had a great time. Traffic and Black Friday shoppers were not bad at all. But then again, we went around noon so I'm sure they were all asleep or eating lunch.

We got back to Jennifer's house around 2 pm. Logan was taking a nap so I called me mom to check on her. She was cleaning the room and watching TV. I told her I would come and get her when Logan woke up. She said that was fine. Long story short, when Logan woke up, we all went to Grapevine Mills Mall. That's when drama hit the fan. She, for whatever reason, thought we were going downtown Grapevine. When I told her that I would never take the kids down there (too nice an area) she proceeded to say she could go to the mall at home. So we left. By that time the kids were starving. We took them to Chuck E Cheese because they had been couped up inside all day. That night plans got mixed up and we ended up taking Ian and Caleb back with us and Matthew was suppose to pick them up. Well, it was way past my kids bed time and my mom wanted to turn the TV on. I told her they would never go to sleep so the answer was no. After that she left the room in an uproar and locked herself in her bedroom. All because she has cleaned earlier. Whatever. The kids were fine just reading books which wasn't going to make a mess. She was just pissed.

The next day was picture day. I told her she needed to help me with the kids because we were going to have all 6 there. She said it was too early and didn't come with us. That's fine. The pictures went great. All she would have done was just sit there and complain about something anyway. "The boys look dirty. Does Matthew do anything with them? Why is this taking so long? Kendra do this. Logan do that." Actually, I'm glad she didn't go.

When we got back to the apt, Kendra and Logan were both asleep. She was watching this movie Broken Trail. When Kendra woke up she wouldn't change the channel. The scene was this guy about to rape this girl! She went on the say that it was a christian movie and based on facts. How stupid can a person be. Really?! Anyway, the channels were switched and things were better. The only way I was going to make her happy is if I took her somewhere that made her feel like she was living the high life. We Jennifer, my mom and I went to South Lake Town Center. Perfect place for my mom. Tons of shopping at high end stores, trees wrapped in lights, and horse drawn carriage rides. That went fairly well. Finally it was time to go back to the apt.

Sunday morning came. She had no choice but to come with us because we where leaving right after church and heading home. During services she was ok. It wasn't until Jennifer's dad made a comment about 2 Corinthians 5:21. She huffed and puffed and I thought she was going to walk out. She will do anything to disrespect my church and the way my family believes. Little miss Holy Roller herself. That fine. Needless to say the ride home was quite. Thank GOD. I took her to the airport on Monday and I have never been more happy to say her off.

Now, this may sound like a mom bash fest but its more of a release of tent ion and inner-stress. I can put that week behind me now and move on. Move on to preparing for our Christmas visit. Which will include a back up place to sleep.

Early morning

2009-11-19T06:11:00.000-08:00

This morning was an early one. The kids were up at 5:30 am. Why?!!! As much as I would love for them to sleep in until 8 and have trouble getting them up, the morning was kind of an answer to my prayers. Kendra, Logan and I played with Play Dough for an hour in between bites of breakfast. Which was actually kinda fun. I don't get that much time with Kendra in the morning because we are always rushing to eat and get dresses so we can get to school on time. In fact we had so much time we played, ate breakfast, got dressed and where off to school. The best part was, we arrived on time!

Last night Kendra was so tired and just wanted to go to bed. I laid down with her until she went to sleep. I don't get to do that much anymore. We talked for a little bit about whether or not she wanted us to withdraw from school or not. She went on to tell me that she likes going to school and does want to leave but she also wants to spend more time with me. I know she has to be a little jealous of Logan getting to stay at home all day with me. But she is also smart enough to know that if I were to keep her at home, she couldn't just sit in front of the TV all day. I think that was the kicker. I explained to her that we would pick out a school curriculum for us to use and she would have to do school work. The only difference would be she could do it here at home. She thought it all and decided that she wanted to stay at school.

I think as a mother, I want the absolute best for my babies. What mother doesn't? But as the mother I also have to think rationally about things and not make a big decision based on emotions at the time. As I was dropping off Kendra this morning we were talking about what she would be doing today in class. She loves the Art class that she goes to. She loves going to the library and getting a new book everyday. She is meeting new kids at recess and have new friends.

We will continue to pray for wisdom. This is one of those situations that I wish I could just call GOD on the phone and ask him what to do. That would be so much easier. At the moment, I think he is trying to teach me how to listen for his direction. GOD blessed Kendra with the amazing quality of resistance. I have to take a step back and take a long hard look at the bigger picture. I will continue working on clearing my afternoons so when Kendra comes home she gets one on one attention. I know that will be hard with Logan in the same room but we will make it happen.

Thinking

2009-11-16T11:35:00.000-08:00

I cant help but notice the dullness in Kendra's eyes here recently. I dont know if it is from all the stress she is under with and at school or if she is really NOT liking attending class at all. When we ask her, she says that she like school and wants to stay but when you look at her, so much has changed. She has bags under her eyes (could be from the lack of sleep since her and Logan are forced to share a room right now), her chin is breaking out (maybe from stress), and she has developed this habit of chewing on the sleeves of her shirts or the neckline of her shirts. I have no idea what is going on. Kendra has always been very happy and full of energy. To a certain extent she still is but there is just something different about her. Something that I cant put my finger on just yet. I was telling Aaron this morning that it reminds me of him while he worked for Ben E. Keith. He just looked lifeless. Im seeing that in Kendra right now.

Of course, as a parent I feel like Im to blame in some sort of weird way. We love out little girl and I dont think we are "losing our grip on her" but Im not happy with where we are right now. Ive expressed my disappointment with the school and the way situations have been handled. Ive also told them that Kendra will remain in school until the first of the year. If Aaron and I feel things are not changing we will formally withdraw her and place her in a private school. Even if that means I have to get a job to help pay for it.

The whole situation is very sad. There are so many kids Kendra goes to school with that have parents that just dont give a damn about them. There was one mother that told me to my face that her child was not her responsibility when he was at school and she wasnt going to do anything to change what she was going to do at home with him. That almost made me cry on the spot. I could not believe that a parent would say that. The last thing we want is for Kendra (or Logan) to grow up in a bubble. We understand that they will be exposed to many things growing up. That's life. We

Maybe I have unrealistic ideas of how all parents raise their kids. This has been a huge wake up call for us. A Kendra's parents we have the responsibility to do the right thing by our child. If certain things are affecting her learning we have the power to make the situation better and maybe my moving her into a different room or school all together will be the answer.

Chilren Live What They Learn - Dorothy Law Nolte

2009-11-10T07:15:00.000-08:00

I heard this poem at our last MOPS meeting. It put some things in perspective for me and what other kids maybe going through.

If children live with criticism
They learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility,
They learn to fight.
If children live with ridicufle,
They learn to be shy.
If children live with shame,
They learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement,
They learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance,
They learn to be patient.
If children live with praise,
They learn to appreciate.
If children live with acceptance,
They learn to love.
If children live with approval,
They learn to like themselves.
If children live with honesty,
They learn truthfulness.
If children live with security,
They learn to have faith in themselves and others.
If children live with friendliness,
They learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

* Hearing this came at a great time for me. There are a couple of kids in Kendra's class that we have been praying for every day. If I have learned anything while Kendra has been in school, it is that I need to make sure I step it up to the plate every single day and instill in her that she is loved and no matter what always show love.

2009-11-10T06:58:00.000-08:00

I have not blogged in awhile and the feeling of actually doing it again is wonderful. It always seems to lift a burden of my shoulders.

We have been having a hard time with some of the kids at school picking on Kendra. When Kendra first came home telling me about it, I was stunned. I could not understand why someone would pick on my child. Especeialy when she is the one to always make "the new kid" feel welcomed. This was starting carry over and reflect in her school work. Praise the Lord that she had been in pre-school. She has not managed to fall behind. But there is a lack of doing her work.

I got the chance to go with her class on her very first field trip. I had such a good time!! (I hope Kendra had as much of a good time as I did.) That day gave me a clear view of what Kendra was having to deal with. All I can say is, that poor teacher. When you have 16 five year olds, all with type A personalities, there was bound to be chaos.

After many weeks of long talks, role playing with Barbies, and 3 meetings with the techer, we are starting see the light. We always thought we were doing a good job of raising Kendra. We never have problems with her. What we noticed was we were starting to slack on re-enforcing the very simople fact that we LOVE Kendra and no matter what happens, if she is HONEST with us, we will take her side.

We have started praying for some of her friends at school. We pray for Kendra to always show love and teach everyone with respect. We are stating to see our efforts in action. Things are looking better.

2009-10-08T12:23:00.000-07:00

Pushing It

2009-10-08T12:12:00.000-07:00

I am in a little bit of a funk today. Honestly, I think Im justing have a pitty party. Im entitled to one every now and then. We moved up here almost 3 months ago and Aaron and I are just now starting to feel it. I was very active in my MOPS group back home. Here, Im the new girl. Which is nice in a way but it totally drives home the fact that I am the new girl on the block. Im trying to make new friends but all my efforts seem to be going unnoticed. I understand we just moved here and things dont just happen over night. Im trying to remember that and take it one day at a time.

Aaron and I have always been that couple that does not leave our kids with people we do not know. Now we are finding ourselves in between a rock and a hard place. We NEED to spend some time together just the 2 of us but we dont want to leave the kids with a sitter. One, for fear of how they will handle a new babysitter and two, for the fact we dont know anyone. We would ask Jill and Andrew but I dont think they want to venture in that direction. Jennifer and Matt have 3 kids of their own and adding 2 more to the mix would be insanity for Jennifer.

Plus I dont think it helps that we went from our big house to this little bitty apartment. We feel like we are living on top of each other. I find myself just going places just to be out of the apartment. When I was sick for the week, it was like torture. We were all crammed in like sardines. The TV was on constantly and the kids hated the fact that I couldnt play with them. I miss our backyard and swing set. I long for the day we get our new house. Even though I know that wont be for another couple of months. We are a strong family but sometimes close families can be pushed to the limits.

Please be praying for our sanity and for some much needed romantic time for Aaron and I.

Saturday September 19th

2009-09-19T12:27:00.000-07:00

We started of the day with a trip to Shipley's Doughnuts. The kids love that! We try and do that one Saturday morning a month. Of corse, Logan manages to hit his mouth on one of the tables so we had to cut out trip short. Barnes and Nobel has story time every Saturday morning here so Aaron took the kids while I sat in the cafe and worked on my Bible study. Aaron said the kids were done playing with the train set and wanted to leave. As soon as we walk through the door, Logan starts screaming and crying. He wanted to stay and play. Well we were not about to go back inside with a screaming kid so we left. Since Aaron was out of town this past week, I had not been grocery shopping so we went to Chick-Fil-A and had lunch. Come to find out Logan was just hungry. Go figure. We hung out there and let the kids play. At this point in the week I had had Chick-Fil-A one too many days so I wanted something different. We went o Freebirds. Aaron and I both got Nacho Bowls. While we were Logan. Logan was just standing there and fell. When he fell he fell back right smack on the back of his head. I threw up my hands and we left as soon as we got our food. On the way home he fell asleep. Hope he is ok. Kendra had a birthday party to go to today so we got her dressed like Princess Belle and off we went to the party. When we got there the parents had a choice whether or not to stay. Well,....Kendra wanted to be a big girl so I left and came home. When I asked the mom what the dress attire was, she said anything dressy. Well I begged Kendra to wear a Nice Sunday dress but NOOOO she had to go as a princess. Which is fine but she was the only "princess" there when we dropped her off. I hope everyone is nice to her. She is the youngest one there by 2 years. When I left she was standing by herself but she had a smile on her face. Well,...I guess if she stops having a good time the mom will call me. My heart just sank for her. Oh well,..live and learn. The Aggie game comes on tonight at 6pm. Its Ian's 6 birthday today and we are not there. We go up next weekend. Should be fun. Hopefully everything will go smoothly.

September Update

2009-09-14T19:25:00.000-07:00

This has been a long time coming. Updating my blog that is. My last entry was in August. It is now Sept. Where has the time gone. It seems like yesterday the days dragged on. Kendra has since started school. Kindergarten that is. Full-time. I cried like a baby for about 3 weeks. The morning of the big day, it was Kendra that didn't want to go. Once we arrived at the school and she saw all the other students, suddenly, staying at home with mom was not good enough. She walked in the building with her head held high and a big smile on her face; as if she owned the world. After walking back to the car, minus Kendra, Logan and I had heavy hearts. What was I going to do without her? What was Logan going to do without sissy there to play with him all day long? I knew the time would come when I would have to let her go and let her find her wings. I never thought that day would come so soon. I cant help but feel a little sappy talking like this considering she is only 5 and she is only going into Kindergarten, but for me this was a big deal. This marked the day that Aaron and I had spent the last 5 years preparing her for. Taking her first steps out into the big world. We pray that she is a shinning light to others. We pray that we have instilled in her the values and morals that will keep her safe. I have to be honest. We could not be more pleased with how everything is going. She is doing so well in school. Her teacher loves her and gives her little "jobs" to do in class. She has a legion of friends and owns some of the other teachers there. Even though we have about an hours worth of homework 4 nights a week, when she walks through the door, nothing else matters. She and I get to sit down together and do her "homework". How could reading to my child with her sitting in my lap or watching her spell and write out her name while singing a song, be anything less than pure joy? It has also given me a reason to take her on more Mommy and Me dates.

Logan is loving having Kendra gone. I will admit, at first he was a little confused. But after about the first hour she was gone and realized he had Mommy all to himself, Kendra was no longer a thought in his mind. We go for walks with another son and mother couple every Mon, Wed, and Friday morning. Tues and Thurs are reserved for trips to the park or the grocery store. Which means he gets a Happy Meal. I am loving my little man and watching him grow up.

I had my first MOPS meeting today. I love this group! All the women have been very inviting and caring and helpful. I volunteered to help the Hospitality Director set up the mornings we have meetings. There are so many women there that I think I only have to make something one time and bring it to the meeting. We are doing a fund raiser to help pay for things like crafts and child care. That is new to me but I like the idea.

Aaron is out of town right now. He is taking some classes that will follow with a test. Once he gets his license, he will actually get to do other stuff than spray weeds. Which is something he actually likes doing at the moment. He says it is "Man's" work. I think he is really liking it because he is losing a ton of weight just walking around in the hot sun wearing long sleeve shirts and jeans and gets to sweat the weight off. Lucky! We couldn't be more blessed with his employers. Jill and Andrew have been God sends. It is amazing working for someone that cares about their employees. Aaron is very happy.

We have a contract on the house. This could not have come at a better time. If we can get all the kinks worked out, we are looking at a closing date of Oct 20. That would truly be a miracle. We are planning on sending Andy and Sherry on a trip. They have helped us out so much and never asked for anything in return. We would like to show them we appreciate everything they have done for us. More details on that to come.

All and all,...things are going dreamily. I keep pinching myself to make sure this isn't a dream. Things don't go this well in real life. Oh wait. Yes they do! It just goes to PROVE,...when you let GOD take the wheel and lead, ANYTHING is possible.

Update

2009-08-06T11:24:00.000-07:00

Since settling into our new home, alot has happened. Aaron brought Simon, our boxer puppy, with him back from Los Fresnos. We were going to "try" to keep him here with us in the apartment. Yeah,...after just one night, we figured out that wasn't going to work. Poor thing would just hate it here. We had such a big yard for him to run around in at the house in Los Fresnos. There was no way I could keep him cooped up in this tiny apartment. So Matthew, being the kind person he is, took our dog under his wing. I was hoping that he would just keep him until we found a house. I don't think that is going to work. I didn't take into account that fact what if the boys got attached to Simon? Attachment didn't even enter my mind until we were on our drive back from meeting Matthew with Simon. Kendra balled the whole way home. And, I mean the WHOLE way home. I didn't think she was that upset about it. We had been talking to her about this situation for a couple of days before we did it. I guess she was more attached then I thought. Needless to say, she cried herself to sleep that night. A couple of days later, after talking to Aaron about Simon busting out of Matthew's window when he was at work, I don't think getting him back is going to be hard. But just on the in-case the boys DO get attached and Simon doesn't bust through any more windows, we have managed to "talk" Kendra into getting a new pet. Yeah, she was that upset. She didn't even want a new pet. Oh well,...live and learn right?

Aaron's first day of work was spent on the toilet. He was sick as a dog. Logan had this little stomach bug when we got here and I guess Aaron got it from Logan. Aaron was not doing good. He came home and just went to bed. He is doing much better now but I hate it when he is sick. He is not one of these guys that lay in bed and just whine. He will try to do stuff and I have to order him go to bed. But when he does I know he feels better. He pretty much slept off whatever he had.

I wouldn't say I was getting home-sick of the valley but I was a little weirded out by the fact that we weren't in the valley in any more. So what did we do to fix that? We went to the nearest Wal-Mart. Hehe...that cured it. All of a sudden I was back in the valley. Anyone who is from there will understand this.

Im also a little overwhelmed by a people here in CS. These people Im referring to are the people that look at you and treat you like you are less of a person than they are. These women with their fake blond hair and acrylic manicured nails and those crazy big rhinestone crosses that hang around their necks. And sometimes the men are just as bad, with their fake tans, and steroid muscles. The sad part is they all "seem" very nice and come off like they would be your friend. Be your friend when no one else was watching. I'm in a whole new world. I never realized just how much Aaron and I considered ourselves to be minimalists until we got here. I'm sure all this is coming from the fact that I don't quit have the apartment the way I would like and I don't know anyone outside of church yet. Granted, we have only been here 2 weeks. I'm sure all this will change. So where is this coming from? I think I'm PMSing. That never helps. Haha

We have arrived!

2009-07-29T10:31:00.000-07:00

we finally made it. we are officially here in college station! we absolutely love it here. despite the packing, loading of he u-haul, UN-loading of the u-haul and unpacking. it was all worth it. after we unloaded the truck, we went to eat at Texas roadhouse. it was so great not having people rush up to touch our kids heads or eyes. we almost didn't know how to act. was something wrong with our kids? yeah right, something wrong with our kids? i don't think so. after dinner we went to target. they had the most awesome sopping carts i had ever seen! very futuristic.
Sunday morning we were on our way to church. our friend Andrew wouldn't answer his phone so we has no idea what exit to take to get to church. Aaron and i both thought we had to take different exits. typical us. we got off on one exit and that wasn't it so we tried the other exit (which was the one that Aaron remembered) and it was the right one. given all the driving around we did, we still made it to church on time. wow!! that was awesome! everything here is so close together. it is a small town with a big city feel. that same night some members of the church had us over for dinner. it was so nice. there are so many kids there for Kendra and Logan to play with. that is something we didn't have at home, well in the valley.
Monday morning we took the moving truck back and Aaron took off back to the valley to pick up some odd and ends that i left there and also to fix up the house a little bit. we really are praying that the house sells soon. we left his car down there so he took my car. the kids and i have been hanging out at poolside. Monday, we went twice. the best thing about restaurants here is they deliver!! i ordered from the potato shack. not great but considering i had no car and little groceries in the fridge, i wasn't going to complain.
Tuesday i had to do something other than hang at the pool with a bunch of 18-20 something-year-olds in their little bikinis. so what did we do you ask? we went to the local dogie park. yep, that's right. and it was awesome! there was a running trail and the actually "canine station' was gated so there weren't,we finally made it. we are officially here in college station! we absolutely love it here. despite the packing, loading of he u-haul, UN-loading of the u-haul and unpacking. it was all worth it. after we unloaded the truck, we went to eat at Texas roadhouse. it was so great not having people rush up to touch our kids heads or eyes. we almost didn't know how to act. was something wrong with our kids? yeah right, something wrong with our kids? i don't think so. after dinner we went to target. they had the most awesome sopping carts i had ever seen! very futuristic.
Sunday morning we were on our way to church. our friend Andrew wouldn't answer his phone so we has no idea what exit to take to get to church. Aaron and i both thought we had to take different exits. typical us. we got off on one exit and that wasn't it so we tried the other exit (which was the one that Aaron remembered) and it was the right one. given all the driving around we did, we still made it to church on time. wow!! that was awesome! everything here is so close together. it is a small town with a big city feel. that same night some members of the church had us over for dinner. it was so nice. there are so many kids there for Kendra and Logan to play with. that is something we didn't have at home, well in the valley.
Monday morning we took the moving truck back and Aaron took off back to the valley to pick up some odd and ends that i left there and also to fix up the house a little bit. we really are praying that the house sells soon. we left his car down there so he took my car. the kids and i have been hanging out at poolside. Monday, we went twice. the best thing about restaurants here is they deliver!! i ordered from the potato shack. not great but considering i had no car and little groceries in the fridge, i wasn't going to complain.
Tuesday i had to do something other than hang at the pool with a bunch of 18-20 something-year-olds in their little bikinis. so what did we do you ask? we went to the local dogie park. yep, that's right. and it was awesome! there was a running trail and the actually "canine station' was gated so there weren't animals running around all over the place. there was also a very nice and very clean COVERED playground there. a covered playground?! i was in heaven. there was some kids there that were around Kendra and Logan's age. we were there for about 2 hours then headed home. later that afternoon, we went swimming yet again. i didn't want to eat delivery again so i made dinner and the kids and I ate dinner while watching a movie in the living room on the floor. it was great. Kendra said we were camping out. so i ran with it and we got our pillows and blankets and crashed on the floor while watching sleeping beauty.
Wednesday morning has not been so great. well, that is bad to say. it started off great. the kids and i planned to walked to another park down the road. i got a call from Aaron saying the power steering in the car had gone out. thank the lord he was in Harlingen and he knew where to take it to get fixed. while he was doing that, the kids and i took off for the park. we got there and there was a nice "splash pad" for the kids to play on. i had no idea what a splash pad was but i soon found out that it is just a play area that has some equipment that shoots water at the kids. best part,...it was FREE! that right. FREE! the kids were having an awesome time playing until Logan and another little boy ran into each other head on and Logan went flying and landed on the back of his head. he let out this awful scream but there was no blood. i kept checking his eyes to make sure he was concussed. i had to get him home. so Kendra had to stop plying and we started back for the apartment. by the time we got home he was asleep. i woke him up to put a diaper on him and he started crying. i don't have any Tylenol here so i couldn't give him anything for pain. i tried to keep him awake but he kept acting like he wanted to sleep. so to i didn't try to fight him, i let him go to sleep. I've been checking on him pretty regularly in hopes that nothing is wrong. i cant wait until Aaron gets back with my car just in case i have to take him to the hospital.
we were suppose to be going over to Jill and Andrew's house for pizza before church tonight but i don't think that is going to happen.
so in a nut shell, my first few days in college station have been, well....surreal. i still thinking I'm dreaming and that I'm going to wake up soon. i just keep telling myself that its only Wednesday.

Update with my Nephews

2009-07-17T10:15:00.000-07:00

We are having a blast. Well I am anyway. I took the kids to the beach and they had a great time. well at least Ian, Kendra and Logan did. Caleb, not so much. Poor kid. All he did was whine and cry. "Aunt Stacey, I dont like the sand. It's hot. I dont like the sun." Thats pretty much all I heard while I was there. So I finally rented an umbrella and told Caleb to sit in the shade. After about an hour, he warmed up to the fact that we were not leaving and he came out and played in the water for a little while. Once he actually got in the water,he started to enjoy himself. Thank GOD. We played in the water for about another 30 mins and I think that was about all he could handle. We took off and headed back to the house. So you would think after being in direct sunlight for about 2 hours at noon they would sleep like the sweet babies they are. NO. They slept on the way home and decided to wake up as soon as I got home. Yeah :( Later that night, Kendra and I went to a birthday party. We went to Parker Smith's swimming party. Kendra was so excited to see Parker. She also got to see Chip and Caden. She had so much fun. We went home and they all took showers and went to bed. Needless to say they were all out in about 30 mins. That was awesome because Ghost Hunters comes on Wednesday night and I wasnt going to miss it.

Thursday morning we went to a playgroup at my friend Sandy's house. The kids were having fun. I dont think Ian liked the fact that there werent very many boy toys for him to play with. But he adjusted and had a good time. After that we went to Target and got them some new underwear and then off to Burger King for lunch. McDonald's was on the other side of town. That night Aaron took them to a softball game while I went to a Farewell Dinner for us in our MOPS group that were leaving. It has been a great few days. We only have 7 more left. I just pray that everything keeps going smoothly. Did I mention that we had some people come look at the house over this period of time? Yeah, great times.

Day number 2

2009-07-14T19:23:00.000-07:00

day number two with my nephews. I would say today was the day for "working out the kinks". we had an issue in the morning. in basically involved one of the boys getting hurt and the other one not apologizing. the one that didnt apologize had to stand in time out. needless to say he wanted to go home at that point. i felt terrible about it. all i wanted was for them to have fun while they were here not make them hate me. so i called their dad and he said he might be tired. sure enough, he had a three hour nap when we got home from the park. when he woke up, and all the kids played in the pool for about an hour. after that, into the shower and bath they went. after dinner, we shot some leftover fireworks. Ian loved them!! I wasnt too sure about caleb but I think he liked them. Much to my surprize, all of them were in bed and asleep before 9 pm. I love it! now I'm catching up with my show-of-the-moment, Kendra. so good night to all and to all a good night.

2009-07-13T13:46:00.001-07:00

We are finally back home after what felt like an eternity. We signed a lease on an apartment. I think its cute. It has been awhile since we have lived in an apartment. We had a great time in Fort Worth with all the family. Noah is super sweet. I'm a little concerned though. Jennifer never complains about anything so I don't know if she is really having a hard time or not. But when I asked her how she was feeling, it just seemed like she was trying to avoid the question. Who knows. I got to clean her house for her and that made me feel great. She does so much for everyone else that I wanted to do something nice for her. I hope and think she liked it.

The best part of the weekend was when I got to visit with my oldest and Bestest friend in the whole wide world. Ashely Castleberry. We (me and Jordan) went over to Ashely's mom's new house. I was surreal. I hadn't seen them both since my wedding. It was so nice. Mary made shrimp and her cocktail sauce. I forgot how good her food was. I met her new husband Roger. They seem really happy together although it was weird that Robert wasn't there. We had a blast just have drinks and eating shrimp and talking about the good ole days. I will post pics later.

Aaron and I (and I think Matthew) had a GREAT time. All the kids played wonderfully together and James and Renee served good food. They are such a great couple. We exchanged stories about all the funny things the kids do and we talked about Aaron's new job. James works for the same company just in Weatherford. It is comforting to know that we are surrounded by wonderful Christian people. We are talking about getting together once a month since we will be much closer now.

(I just have to mention, while I'm writing this, my nephew is running around the house saying "I'm Dunder Man!" I don't know who that is but apparently, he is a super hero. I have so much to learn about the "super world" before Logan gets to that age.)

Noah Joiner

2009-07-05T12:27:00.000-07:00

Im so excited! Jennifer just had her new baby boy. Noah was born July 5th at 4 am. He weighted 8 lbs. 1 oz. The new mother and baby were able to go home just 4 hrs after the birth. Both are doing well. I heard Phillip even made Jennifer waffles. I didnt even know that Phillip knew where the kitchen was in his own house. I havent seen him yet or even held him. But I will soon enough! We are going up there to get the boys and bring them down here for the next few weeks. That way Jennifer has time with her new addition. Jennifer is a great mom and a wonderful sis-in-law.

Random thoughts

2009-06-30T13:04:00.000-07:00

I never thought I would actually be sad when it came time to leave the Valley. For good. Sure, the week after I turned 18 I was long gone; but didnt everyone at some point? I set up shop in Corpus Christi for a bit and then headed to San Antonio for about 30 days. Then when Aaron and I got married, his job with Ben E. Keith took us to San Antonio for a 4 month training period. All-the-while I knew I would end up back in "The Valley". The Valley: hot, boring, and hotter.
Now, Im about to leave. NO! Our family is leaving and heading to a different town. This time there is no heading back after training. This will be a chance for us to start over; wipe the slate clean. A fresh start. But what does that really mean? We are going someone where the only people we know are Aaron's furture employers. Like that's not intimadating. They are very sweet people and I think Jill and I are going to get along great.
I still cant help but feel a little sad. Sad about leaving behind some of the best friendships I have built; in the Valley. As much as we can argue with each other, I will miss that fact that my mom is just a 20 min drive away. I will miss being able to drive to the beach on a moments notice (like we did today). Im going to miss all the Mexican food! All the "cook outs" on Sunday afternoon with Cindy and Pablo. I would not be the mother I am today without all my MOPS friends. These ladies have been a saving grace for me and they all hold a speical place in my heart.
Along with being sad, Im also a little nervous. Nervous in the sense, Im moving to a town Ive only visited one other time in my life and that one time was to party with some of my friends in school. Im also nervous for Aaron. I hope he likes his new job and didnt just take it because I busted his balls for so long about getting another job. These are just a few things on my ming here lately.

She plays you like a fiddle.

2009-06-25T20:12:00.000-07:00

I honestly dont know why I do this to myself. Im talking about following thru with anything that involves my side of the family. My mom and I decided to host this Arbonne party for a dear friend of mine. My mom was all about it. Thought it would be something fun for us to do. Together. Well, it was the furthest thing from fun.
This past Friday we got back from visiting College Station. I asked her to watch the kids after church so my in-laws could leave and drive home. She said that was fine. Im a BIG planner by the way. I think everything is going great. Here was my first mistake. I didnt call her on Sunday morning to remind her that she was going to be keeping the kids after church. We shortly after church services in College Station, I get this text from Andy (father-in-law) that my mom was acting like she had no idea what was going on but kept them anyway. When I called her she said I had told her something completely different. So that put her in a bad mood. After six very long hours in the car we got home. When we got in, the kids were already asleep (a first by the way when my mom watches them. We went on and on about all the places we saw and the positive things about College Station. She acted totally intersted. As soon as Aaron excused himself from the room, she told me that she had talked to Melaney (my much younger sister that dropped out of high school and is now living with my dad). She said Melaney sounded ok. I know what that means. It means that my sister did it again. Melaney has this amazing talent to make every situation depressing. I told my mom I thought it was great that finally after a YEAR of not speaking with her, that Melaney had called her. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday came and went without a hitch. Although, I did get an e-mail from my mom stating I needed to forgive Melaney of all her wrong doing and be a good big sister. Whatever that means. I sent a reply that I know was NOT what my mom wanted to read.
So today, hours before this party, she calls me and starts to pull this, "Are you sure Lyz wants to do this? My appartment isnt big enough.", thing. I knew what she was trying to do. Something in my gut told me to cancel but I did I listen? Of course not. I insisted with continuing with the party.
I thought it would be fun to take the kids swimming while we were there. Before everyone showed up. My thinking behind that was, I will get them tired, feed them and then pop in a movie and they will fall asleep. The swimming was a blast! My mom showed up at the pool. She seemed tense (tense being the nicest word I could use). We ventured upstairs. Now, I know my mom is a "Neat Freak", but today was different. She was a person I hadnt seen in about a year. As soon as we got to her front door, we had to take our shoes off. ok. Fine. We walked in. I knew she would not want the kids running around wet, so I hearded them off to the bathroom to take a bath. That seemed like the good choice. After they got out, the were hungry. We fed them. Although, somehow, I have to get it through Aaron's head that Lunchables is not quite a big enough dinner (espeically after swimming). Needless to say they ate. Logan went to grab a movie like he always does when they are there (Why? becuase they cant do anything when they are there). Mom started freakin out. "Oh Logan, dont touch those. You will get your finger prints all over them.", as if they were gold. They are just DVDs. She didnt let up the rest of the night.
Aaron left to go to San Antonio for a meeting. Lucky. Lyz finally showed up 15 minutes late. I was thinking about calling her and canceling but for whatever reason I didnt. Before I could gather the guts to call and cancel, she shows up. NO turning back now. We get started with the party. The kids are playing but they are being kids and they start to jump and rough house (which would normally be fine but my mom lives in an appartment and she has downstairs neighbors and that kind of play is a NO-NO). Not only that but Logan is going thru this phase right now. He kept smackin Kendra's butt. "Why me? Why now?", is all I could think. My mom thinks the kids play "wierd". So anyway, I told Kendra to stop letting Logan smack her butt. I was telling Kendra this in my mom's bedroom. My mom soon walks in. She starts to tell me about how I shouldnt be doing this, and how tired the kids are and not to get onto Kendra. Blah, Blah, Blah. I told mom that I wasnt going to do this with Lyz here and she turned away from me and mumbled somehting under her breathe. The rest fo the night, if the kids would touch something, she would cringe and act as if she lived in a glass house.
My mom can be so materialistic. I know she doesnt have much because of the divorce (she told me stories for years about how she had to sell everything she owned just to fed us kids). But Im talkin about an alarm clock, the sample make-up products and so-on. I couldnt take it anymore. I just started praying we would wrap pretty soon so the kids and I could bail. Thank you Lord. We finally left her house.
All the way home, I couldnt help but feel equally sad and boiling mad. Mad because, my mom hadnt talked to my sister in almost a year and in that year, my mom was starting the healing process. Sad because, all it took was 2 phone calls from Melaney to fall right back in that rut. My sister had this way of just pissing my mom off and making mom become this person I didnt know. I saw that person inside my mom tonight. It kills me. I dont understand why she cant see that.
I can sympathise with my mom to a certain degree because I have children of my own now, but the other; my mom never had siblings. She has no idea just how well Melaney can work her. That, that right there; kills me.
I told Aaron if things were going to return to the way they were before, I was done. Done pretending. This is my family. Take it or leave it. Right now,.... Im going to bed.

What the hell just happened?

2009-06-25T10:47:00.000-07:00

I will be so glad to move!! My mother is pissing me off. I have been planning this party at her house (she insisted it be at her place) for two weeks now. I found out today that Aaron is leaving tonight for San Antonio. This was not part of the plan. Well yesturday she started telling me that I never told her it was ok to have this party at her place. All the people have been invited and I cant back out now. So I tell her not to worry that I can take care of all the food and beverages. Thinking that might help her out. No! Her big problem was the kids. She says that when they come over (mind you, which is not often) they just get into everything. She refuses to keep toys there because she says she doesnt want to pick them up. I told her to make them pick them up (because at home they have to pick up their own toys; what's not picked up is thrown away). And that leads to the kids having nothing to do except watch TV. She wont take them to the park because she says its too hot and its too hard to take both of them at the same time. Mind you this is my mother, the woman practically raised three kids by herself. I dont know why now all of a sudden, she cant do it. This is why she never watched them. Then she will get mad at me for not bringing them over more often. Well, frankly, if all they are going to do is sit in front of that TV and not do anything else, I would rather them not go over. Now that my sister has been in contact with her, I have this feeling that shit is going to hit the fan between my mother and me. Melaney always makes things worse. For some reason, she can just rub my mom raw and in turn my mom takes it out on me. I hate this. I cant keep all this up. My whole life has been like this. I get told one thing then my family does the opposite and they want to blame me for it. Im sick and tired of being sick and tired (ha,..I never thought I would say that). But honestly, if Aaron came home today and said lets move tomorrow, I would pack everything tonight and move. I have to get away....from my family. They drive me CRAZY!!

Thanks Matt

2009-06-16T20:48:00.000-07:00

Seriously?! Why do I have to be such a basket case? I was talking to my bro-in-law Matthew the other day and I realized how completely stupid I truly am. I have a wonderful man and Im treating that simply fact like it means nothing to me. I am my biggest problem. I want the excitement back. The excitement that was there before kids. Aaron and I had soooo much fun together. Not to say we dont now, but it is different. Our idea of a good time is just hanging out on the couch and watching a movie. And while that isnt bad either, its just sometimes, I get bored and "I" fall into this rut. I get comfortable and I dont want to change. Change means work. I want it to come naturally. But I keep hearing about this "7 year itch". I have no idea what it means, but I think Im totally there. Even though we have only been married 6. I have been with Aaron the longest. Duh, we are married. I think this move to College Station is going to be great for our relationship. By no means are we headed for divorce court or therapy even, but I think the move will force us to rely on each other again. Go back to our roots, as I like to call it. We have been around people that want nothing more than to take care of us. But the fact of the matter is, Aaron and I are our own people and "WE" want to take care of ourselves and our children. Not to say that help with the kids wont be taken but Aaron and I need to rely soley on each other. Its like a friend told me, GOD gave me this man to take care of me. Why would I want to mess that up? GOD is taking care of us. Why would I want to mess that up? I think this move will be good for us. It will take us back to our roots.

June 3rd

2009-06-03T10:24:00.000-07:00

Today started off not being a good day. I woke up in Kendra's bedroom. The kids could not sleep last night so they both came into our room and crashed. Normally that wouldnt be so bad except last night they both wanted to just play. At 2:30am, Im not in the mood for playing. Finally Logan fell asleep and I went to Kendra's bedroom. I woke up to the sound of Handy Manny and the scent of coffee being made. I was running really behind. Although, we didnt have anything planned for today. I hate it when Aaron gets up with the kids. I feel like that's my job and when he does it (although its great) it always makes me feel like Im slacking on the job. We had cereal for breakfast because payday is Friday and groceries are tight. I have been having this terrible cramps here lately so I wasnt to interested in playing Barbie's with Kendra when she asked me. Then out of nowhere comes Logan. Without his diaper. Oh yeah :( As an act of desperation, I called a friend on mine to find out if there were any playdates today. The only thing she knew of was a group going to Lowe's to plant seeds. That would work for today. Im not a green thumb at all but today, it would get them out of the house and around other children. We got down there and they, just as I suspected, they had a blast. Who knew planting seeds could be so much fun. They other mommies said they were going to lunch at Chuck E Cheese (the devil place). Knowing good and well Kendra would not go for that we came home. Now they are both asleep and Im blogging. Its only 12:45

When Bam met Pebbles

2009-06-02T12:05:00.000-07:00

When Im with him, I am thinking of you. And wondering what you would do if you were the one spending the night. Bam-Bam IM me the other day. He proceeded to IM me about his newest surgery. It sounded horrible. Then I saw the pics and it looked worse than what I had imagined. Why do these things keep happening to him? I keep telling myself that he is just accident prone. A part of me dies every time he tells me he "died" and they had to save him. I dont want to hear that! I want to be the one to save him. But I dont know how. There are so many things that I regret that Ive done to him. I parishly feel that it is all my fault these things are happening to him. I know he wouldnt want me to think that. We have been over that many times. All the what-if's.
But then he called me and I heard His voice. He called me the other day or did I call him? I cant remember. When we start talking, I lose myself inside of his world and lose all track reality. Even after all these years, he still has the ability to make my nerves dance within me. The little hairs on my arm start to stand and my toes start to tingle. I start to blush, feeling the heat behind my cheeks. My head starts to spin and I can smell him as if he was standing right next to me. Im held captive from the moment he says hello. Then just like always, he leaves me wanting more. When will I get over this? Right now, I dont want it to end. I will not make it end. I cant offer him any part of me physically but he is always on my mind and in my heart.

Tom and Me

2009-06-02T11:45:00.000-07:00

What the hell is wrong with me. My best friend Thomas has left to Nebraska for 3 long months. I dont really know why Im upset but I am. I scared he is going to come back proclaiming he has found the woman of his dreams. I dont know why that sets me ablaze. Part of me thinks Im going to lose him when this new girl comes into his life. She will not be good enough for him. My Thomas. Thomas and I have been through alot of junk together and he gets me. He sees past my faults and accepts me for me. I dont want some chick to come in and poop on that. Then I stop to think, I cant be selfish like that. That is not my job anymore. I know I have to let it go and I know I will one day. But not today.

Update

2009-06-02T11:16:00.000-07:00

It has been such a long time since my last blog. I cant believe it. So much has happened. Kendra has offically graduated from Pre-School and turned 5 on Mother's Day. My little baby is growing up so fast. Logan will be 2 in a few weeks. He is getting bigger and bigger every day. I know he is going to eat me out of house and home pretty soon. Speaking of house and home,...We may be moving to the Weatherford area. It is north of Fort Worth. We have some great friends up there and a strong church family to turn too. Aaron and I have this bet going on right now. Im going to win because I want an I-Phone. You heard (or read) me right! If I win I get an IPhone!!!! Yepppeeee!! So please do not talk to me about food. At least for the next few months. I kinda of like the idea of losing weight. I have let my body go down the crapper since Logan was born. Its been almost 2 years now. I have no excuse anymore. Please we will NOT being having any more children. I am making sure of that. No more getting up in the middle of the night to nurse. After a few more months, no more changing diapers (Logan WILL be potty trained by the end of the summer). Yeah, I will miss the baby clothes and the clean baby smell but I am expecting my new nephew any day now. So he will just have to make due.

Junk

2009-05-21T13:06:00.000-07:00

I dont know where my head in anymore. I cant figure out what my purpose for being on this Earth is. Im not going to kill myself or anything stupid like that but this is something Im really struggling with right now. The plan is for me to apply to the nursing program in May. I know that it is something Im very capable of: not giving myself to much credit. The other part of me is completely unsure of what Im really meant to do with my life. To be honest, before kids, I had goals. Not to take anything away from the fact that I LOVE being a mom but me, Stacey, gets lost in making sure that everyone else is reaching for their goals. I guess Im just at that point in my life. Im questioning everything. Most people get to this point when something bad happens to them. Everything is going great. I just cant figure out why I feel this way. Im 26 and I feel 36.

Im not super-mommy! Im the best mother for MY children.

2009-04-22T12:36:00.001-07:00

Why is it when I tell people that Kendra started going to pre-school when she was 2, everyone thinks thats great but when I tell them that Logan is going to daycare, I'm a terrible mother? I don't understand it. Kendra and Logan are away from me and out of my sight for 15 hrs a week. What is the big deal? I may not be super mommy but I am the best mom for my children. My children like to come home to me and love being at home with me and Aaron. I will be honest. When Ive been away from my kids while I'm at SCHOOL, I feel more refreshed when I pick them up. Any mom that does not agree with that is lying to themselves. Otherwise why would they feel the need to leave the kids with dad and grandparents to go to the store to get some time to themselves? I hate the fact that I always feel like I'm having to justify my actions. I'm sorry but as much as I would love to disagree with people, my children do not come first. Aaron, my husband comes first. I had been expressing my desire to continue with school long before we had kids. After Hurricane Dolly, Aaron said now was the time for me to go back to school and work towards a degree. That way we are financially capable to take care of our family if GOD forbid he lose his job or another hurricane hit and he lost all his customers. Logan was not in daycare at all last semester and looking back it might have been easier on Aaron if he had been. Aaron was taking Logan with him on his route to visit his customers. I dont know how many husbands would do that for their wives. The only reason Logan was in daycare this semester was because the Thursday before I was to start classes, a friend of mine backed out of watching him and I had to find someplace that would take him on such short notice. I was not going to ask Aaron to continue taking Logan with him. We stay convicted by what we are doing and think we are doing what the LORD would have us do in our situation. I'm not encouraging mothers to put their children into daycare by any means. I'm simply stating what we felt it was the right thing to do. Frankly, anyone that cant understand needs to mind their own business. Worry about keeping yourself in check and stay off my back!

Blessed Day

2009-04-14T08:49:00.000-07:00

Yesturday was a crazy day for me. It started off with me sleeping in and running late to turn in my Psych paper. There was no day care for Logan to go to and Kendra doesnt go to school on Monday anyway. So here I am running around the house like a crazy person, rounding up kids and hearding them out to the car. I take off like a bar out of hell down Hwy 100. You would think it was the 4th of July the way the lights were flashing in my rear view mirror. That's right, I was being pulled over. The State Trooper gets out of the car and asks me why he pulled me over. Hello? I was speeding. He said I was going 75 in a 60!! Opps. But, I didnt get a ticket for that. I got cited for having an expired registration sticker (4 months pass due). Thank you Lord because I would never have been able to live down a speeding ticket.
I get to the school 30 mins after class has started. I run in with Logan on my hip and dragging Kendra behind me. I show him my ticket and beg for mercy. Granted, I print out the paper (because my home printer was out of ink) and turn it in. Yeppee!!!
Taking in a deep breath I load the kids up and head to my mom's place because my brother was down and they wanted to go shopping. We get there and they are both still sleeping at 10 am!! Logan starts to cry uncontrollably and he NEEDS to take a nap. So he and I take off. Before we could get out of the parking lot, he is asleep. So we waited for an hour in the Wells Fargo parking lot so he could sleep. I get a call from my brother stating he is going to the beach and mom is finally ready to go. Now it's 1 pm. We got to Bed Bath and Beyond. Terrible idea. Too many things for little hands to touch. Not only that but they sale huge gum balls in all the colors of the rainbow. Then we leave and head to Marshalls. Another terrible idea. Too many glass wear and breakable items. We leave and head to mom's place.
We get to mom's and Kendra is passed out. Logan is up so I put on Finding Nemo. Somehow, mom and I get into a knock down drag out about baptism. I dont even know how it started. Finally 5 pm rolls around Cole wants to take them to eat dinner. Finally, 6:30 pm Im heading home. Amen
On the way home, I get a call from Ashley Castleberry. I had not talked to her in months. It was soooo nice to hear from her. She went on to tell me that she was moving. We talked about everything. She is applying to school in Cali in Sept and cant wait to go. Im excited for her. I went on to tell her about things that have been going with me. This is why I love her: She tells me that she has always loved me and she understood that we were on two totally different paths and is proud of me. It was so nice to hear that for once. I have lost a dear friend to only have another re-enter my life. It's crazy to think that we have been friends for almost 20 years now. We are heading up to see her in a couple of weeks. I cant wait.
Yesturday was crazy. Ticket. $75. Turned in paper. 30 mins late. Spent time with family. 2 hour wait. Surprise conversation with my oldest best friend. Priceless.

Why should I pay for that too?!

2009-04-01T06:55:00.000-07:00

I got into a little bit of a fender bender with one of the other mom's at Kendra's school back in November. She didnt want to get the Ins companies involved so we decided to handle it out right. She took the car to a couple of places and got several different quotes. None of which I had any knowledge about. I wish she would have informed me she was going so I could have gone with her. Since we are paying for this, I want to get the job done right but not pay a small fortune for. After she takes the car in to the repair shop, she decideds to get a rental car. I would not have had a problem with this, except for the fact that when I called her to check up on everything (because for some reason she wont call me) she never mentioned having to get a rental car. Now she is saying that we owe her for the rental. Then she went on to say that the gentleman "talked" her into getting the insurance for the car. Well Im not stupid. If you already have insurance, then your insurance company will cover the rental car. Plus, she had the rental for 2 days. I can understand not wanting to be out of a car, especially with kids and on spring Break week but come on. I would have been willing to give her rides to and from. Plus, how did she get the the rental place if the car was in the shop in the first place. Odd to me. I dont know. I will be glad when this is all over with.

Bible Study: Chapter 4 Self-Control

2009-03-28T20:04:00.000-07:00

Continuing with the Bible Study on the Seven Virtues of a Godly Wife and Mother, this chapter pushed many of my buttons. Chapter 4: The Safety of Self-Control
Have you ever lashed out in anger at your child only moments after repenting from your last outburst? Romans 7:18-19 “I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing”.
Self-Control conjures up words like drudgery, discipline, discouragement, and even despair. But we as Christians need to reexamine this virtue from a biblical perspective. Self-Control doesn’t just happen. We can’t adopt the indifferent attitude “let go and let GOD” and expect magically to become self-controlled. Self-control requires effort. However, development of this quality is not solely dependent upon us. We cannot acquire this virtue by our own strength. It is only as we cooperate with the power of the Holy Spirit that we will achieve self-control. Colossians 1:29 “For this I toil, struggling with all his energy that he powerfully works within me”.
God’s Word likens self-control to walls; or rather it informs us that not having self-control is like not having walls. Proverbs 25:28 “A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls”. Self-control is our wall of defense against the enemies of our soul. We have the Worldly Theater, the Devil’s Theater, and most insidious of all – the Inner Theater. Scripture warns us that the world hates us (John 15:19) the enemy seeks to devour our souls (1 Peter 5:8) and our sinful desires wage war against our souls (1 Peter 2:11). These desires are deceitful (Eph. 4:22) they drag us away and entice us into sin (James 1:14).
The first step in constructing this wall of self-control is to acknowledge one simple yet hideous fact about ourselves: We like to sin! Hebrews 11:25 states, “ our enjoyment of sin doesn’t last very long”. Sin always leads to death (Romans 6:15-23). Sin delivers negative consequences not only in our own lives, but also in our relationships with others. We revel in the luxury of sleep, but we spend the rest of the day frantically trying to make up for the lost time. We exult in the brief moment of victory over our husbands, but we later regret the rift we’ve created in our marriage.
Undisciplined use of our bodies will hinder our service to GOD. For example, the amount of sleep we get-whether too much or too little can interfere with our daily communion with GOD and ability to care for our family and home. 1 Corinthians 6:12, “not to be enslaved by anything”.
We are to eat and drink to the glory of GOD (1 Corinthians 10:31). First and foremost, we are to receive our food with thanksgiving (1 Timothy 4:3-5). It is a gift from the one “who richly provides us with everything to enjoy (1 Timothy 6:17). Proverbs 23:20-21: “Be not among drunkards or among gluttonous eaters of meat, for the drunkard and the glutton will come to poverty, and slumber will clothe them with rags”. Proverbs 23:2 recommends drastic measures if we struggle with gluttony: “Put a knife to your throat if you are given to appetite”. Food is not the source of help and comfort. He wants to teach you to comfort yourself not with food, but with His comfort. “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised” Proverbs 31:30. We must not chase after the ideal our culture worships, but instead pursue what God esteems. Example: A girl that orders a salad at lunch because she wants a figure that will attract attention of others. She is pursuing self-glorification-not godliness.
Sleep is a gift from GOD. Scripture says he grants sleep to those he loves (Psalm 127:2) and He makes our sleep sweet (Proverbs 3:24). Sleep is a sweet restorer of physical strength. He is the creator and we are the created.
Maybe our temptation related to sleep is not to get too little but to get too much. Proverbs 20:13 “Love not sleep, lest you come to poverty, open your eyes and you will have plenty of bread”. Martha Peace wrote: “I have heard of women pride themselves of being “night people”. These women are not “night people”. They are lazy and selfish. Who would not rather stay up late to do whatever they pleased and sleep late the next day”? As wonderful as our thoughts and feelings may be, they also have been marred by sin. Because of sin, the way we think and feel is often contrary to what Scripture commands. What we allow to govern our feelings and occupy our thinking will sooner or later determine our behavior. Sinful thoughts and sinful feelings lead to sinful behavior. 2 Corinthians 10:5: “Take every thought captive to obey Christ”. As we encounter life, our emotions are primarily determined by what is in our hearts. Sinful feelings reveal a sinful heart. The story of Hannah verifies this fact 1 Samuel chapter 1. We must choose to be wholly and completely dependent upon Him. As our LORD says: “Apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:5).

Ignorance is Bliss: I guess

2009-03-24T13:02:00.001-07:00

I got back from Ft Worth in one physical piece but my heart has been shattered. While I was up there a so called friend of mine drove up from Houston to surprise me. The morning was starting off a little rough. Logan and Kendra didnt sleep well the night before and I was beat. Logan started throwing a fit when I wouldnt pick him up while I was doing my make up. My friend asked me what was wrong. I proceded to update her about him being in day care and me being in school. She stopped and glared at me and said, "How could you put your sinful selfish desires first and sacrifice your children's well being?! Arent these suppose to be the most important years in your children's lives?!" I had no idea what to say. I was completly thrown back. I thought about living right there and then but then I realized we traveled all this way, Im not about to leave now and upset Kendra. It ruined my whole trip!! Considering she doesnt know my situation, She has no idea what we are dealing with. I thought that was extremly rude.
After the kids and I drove back home from Ft Worth (a 10 hr drive) I only had more rude comments made about me. We got back in on Saturday night. We got home about 8 pm and I was in bed by 9pm. The next day was Sunday. We went to church and my mom's house for lunch. I got home and started on my cleaning from the week before. Note to self, ask the husband to clean up after himself while the wife is gone. Come 9pm that night, I get a text from my "so-called" BFF asking me if I was gonna make time for her on this trip. (She was coming down to visit the same week I was out of town. Funny, I told her that. Must have slipped her mind.) I said it was too late for me to go out and plus I had a ton of cleaning and laundry I had to finish. She then went on to say that she came all this way and I couldnt make anytime for her and that she was "done". Whatever that means. I guess she was telling me that she didnt want to be friends anymore. Its funny how single and childless people dont understand what responsibilities are. Yes, I didnt call her as much she would have liked. No, I didnt she her as much as she would have liked when she was down. But the truth is I tried my best. Im sorry that I decided to go back to school and had class every night of the week last semester therefore, missing almost every episode of last season's Grey's Anatomy (which was when we both would watch and call each other during commerical break). She doesnt like it when I call and the kids are screaming in the back ground or when I call her during work. But yet, she cant seem to understand when she called me after she got off work, I was making dinner or bathing kids or putting them down to bed. I cant leave the house after 9pm because Im tired and I dont want to leave Aaron with the kids on a weeknight. Weekends are hard because that is time Im taking away from my family. I guess, Im not such a great friend after all. It sounds like I put my family before everything else. Shocking! Who does that anymore?! Truth be told, I was getting tired of her always making me feel bad about something. Either, my kids were brats or I wasnt spending enough time with her or I wasnt sleeping with MY husband enough.
I was so excited about our trip last week only to end up being judged. I knew it was gonna be a hit and miss thing with the "BFF" while she was down. I guess ignorance really is bliss. They have no idea what I have to do on an everyday basis. My life and body are no longer my own. Im sorry if they dont agree with that but I frankly dont care anymore. I done with trying to make other people happy. My FIRST priority is to my family. All others do come last. If you were a true friend, you would understand that. Funny, how all my other friends get that simple concept.

Feminine Appeal: Seven Virtues of a Godly Wife and Mother

2009-03-13T17:06:00.001-07:00

I am loving this bible study that we are doing at the FBC. It really has opened my eyes to the way Ive been going about things. I feel completely renewed. I want to share some of what I have been learning. For legal purposes, I will be quoteing word for word from the book. The author's name is Caroline Mahaney.

Transformed by Titus 2: Chapter 3 - The blessings of Loving my children

"Quit it!" "MOM!! She is touching me! Make her stop!" "Get over here this minute!" "Dont make me yell at you one more time!"

How many of us have heard that or said that before? I know I have on many occasions. Motherhood can be both exhilarating and exaperating. It can present us with a delightful experience one minute and baffle us the next. Our perspective of motherhood should not be defined by our diverse experiences & flucuating emotions.
Yet it's in the midst of trials and challenges of motherhood that the command comes to love our children. We are to love our children with Phileo (tender, affectionate and passionate) love. A sacricfical and dutiful love. We are to delight in our children.

"NO job on Earth takes more physical, metal, social, emotional and spritual strength that being a good wife and mother. If a woman is looking for an easy life she might try tennis. There is nothing easy about good mothering. It can be back breaking, heart wrenching and anxiety producing. And that's just in the morning." - Stephen & Janet Bly

Because mothering requires constant sacrificies, the temptations to resentment, complaining and self-pitty are always close by. I was so focused on the sacrificies that I had failed to appreciate the daily pleasures of raising my children. We can either resent the challenges and demands that accompany motherhood and persist in our selfishness, or we can draw from GOD's grace and receive HIS help to cheerfully lay down our lives for our children. [Matthew 20:26] If we set aside our selfish desires, and joyfully serve our children, we are glorifying GOD. That is the greatness according to the Bible.

But what if we lose our joy to sacrificially serve and love our children? Our only genuine source of refreshment comes from GOD. How do we do this? Luke 5:15,16 - Withdraw and pray. With everyone coming to mom for needs, remember to take time alone to spend with GOD.

Beware of Indulgence/Discipline
We must never beome tolerent of sinful behavior in effort to enjoy our children. [Proverbs 22:6]
"Far better that children should cry under healthy correction, than that parents should afterwards cry under the bitter fruit to themselves and children of neglected discipline." - Charles Bridges [Proverbs 13:24] avoidance of discipline is an expression of hate not love.

Love
What are some words that come to your mind when you think our your children? Work, responsibility, sacrifice, burden, more work? [Psalm 127:3,4] [Psalm 128:1-4] The psalmist describes our children as heritage, fruit, reward and arrows. "Blessed is the man" Love consists of insignificant activities. It includes faithful prayer and encouragement or small gestures of kindness.

Number our Days
Our children are only young for a very brief time. [Psalm 90:4-6,10,12,16,17] Our goal is not that our children be happy, fullfilled and sucessful. Our highest objective should be that our children would repent from their sins, put their trust in Jesus Christ and reflect the Gospel to the world around them. Only the Holy Sprit is able to reveal the truth of the gospel. Our tender love can be an instrument in GOD's hands. I am convinced that no one has more potential to infulence our children to receive and reflect the gospel that we do as mothers.
Responsibility and Grace
2 Cor 12:9 (grace and power) * Not one of us is equal to this task of mothering, but HE will help us in our weakness.

Like I said, Im learning so much from this study. I pray I become the wife and mother that GOD wants me to be. I pray that he works in my heart and through my hands to love Aaron and my beautiful children. Thanks to Christy Hill for leading this study. She is truly and inspiration to me and one of GOD's angels.

Venting

2009-03-03T19:06:00.001-08:00

It kills me to think you can even start to justify pretending to care about your kids when you did what you did!! How could a true mother do that? Then take a "break" just to be selfish and go to bed at night thinking you are a good mom. And dont lie to yourself saying you dont sleep good at night because Im sure you drink enough to make sure you sleep. Especially knowing you dont have to get up with them the morning after. oh, thats right, someone else has to because you chose to walk away from the most precise things in this life you will ever be given. I, like many other REAL moms, bust our asses everyday, day in and day out, caring for our children. We all have had season's when we wanted to call it quits. But what makes me so much better than you is that I chose to stay. I chose to let GOD lead me and work my heart with his loving hands. You are were you are because of yourself. GOD didnt let you down. If anything he blessed you with one of the most WONDERFUl people I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. And you just threw it away. For what? I hate to say it but you deserve everything you get. Everything! Heartache more than anything. If you even have a heart at all. You are a terrible selfish person and dont deserve to call yourself a mom or wife for that matter. The only reason you can pretend you are worth anything is because those kids father lets you still think you would be a half ass mom and wife at best even on your best day.

2009-03-02T20:24:00.000-08:00

These are a few random family pics. I havent had much time to update so here is my best effort tonight.

Why being baptised is so important to our salvation

2009-03-02T20:23:00.000-08:00

Under the old law (while Jesus was still alive) people were to make sacrificies for the forgiveness of sins. ie. Theif on the cross. Luke 23 verses 32-43 *Christ said the word "paradise" not Heaven. SO while Christ was alive he had the power to save and heal.

In Hebrews God promises a New covenant. Hebrews 8:6-13. I found Hebrews 9:7-10 to be a berif explanation of how the old covenant worked. When Christ died, his ultimate sacrifice became a Will for us as Christians. Hebrews 9:11-17 * verse 24. Hebrews 10:19-22 is good reading also. It refers to pure water, but still a water baptisim.

1 Peter 3:18-22 * answer of good conscience toward GOD

John 3:1-13 *story of Nicodemus (Ruler of Jews)

Matthew 3:13-16 * If Christ thought it was important for himself to be baptised why should we not?

Lastly, with out baptisim, we are not walking as Christs commanded. *Pretty clear command for baptisim is found in Acts 2:38 thru 41.

I had never read this before today, sadly but in Colossians 2:6-12 gives us as Christians some rules or guidelines to live by.
1.) The way I read this was read verse 6 then read verse 12. Repent for sins and be Baptisted.
2.) verse 7: strengthened in faith to know the difference between false doctrine and the true word.
3.) verse 7: overflowing with thankfulness
4.) verse 4: after being baptized you were dead in sin because GOD made you alive thru Christ.

All this brought me to Acts 10:14-48

** Also, if Paul was chosen to do GOD's work, why was he instructed to be baptisted before all else after his incounter on the road to Damascus to be filled with the Holy Ghost? 1.) sight 2.)baptisim 3.)holy ghost. In order for Paul to start his journey he had to be baptised. I recommend reading all of Acts chapter 9. Its long, but it great reading.

Wedding Song

2009-02-17T07:53:00.000-08:00

For the people that know me, Yall know how much Im against the whole lovey-dovey thing. Well,...I cant help it gush when I hear the song Everything by Lifhouse. That song was the song I walked down too when Aaron and I got married. I was only 20 years old. I didnt want the normal wedding march you hear all the time. I wanted something that I thought truly described my feelings about Aaron and the journey i was about to embark on. Its been almost 6 years since that day but I cant help but tear up everytime I hear it. Its on my new MP3 player. Its suppose to be used when Im in the gym working out. Well Aaron put that song on there for me and as much as I love it, I cant work out!! I just cry and think about that day and rejoice for what the LORD has given my through Aaron. I wanted to share the lyrics with everyone. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

Find me here and speak to me
I want to feel you I need to hear you
You are the light that’s leading me to the place
Where I find peace again
You are the strength that keeps me walking
You are the light to my soul
You are my purpose
You’re everything
And how can I stand here with you
And not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this
You calm the storms and you give me rest
You hold me in your hands
You won’t let me fall
You still my heart and you take my breath away
Would you take me in take me deeper now
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this
Cause you’re all I want, you’re all I need
You’re everything…..everything
You’re all I want
You’re all I need
You’re everything……everything
You’re all I want
You’re all I need
You’re everything…everything
You’re all I want
You’re all I need
Everything…Everything
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better and this
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better any better than this
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this

Are you kidding me? Here we go again!

2009-02-11T19:48:00.000-08:00

I have no idea what to say. I was talking to Matthew and apparently he and Ashley have been talking. No biggy. They have kids together. See but heres my problem. They are getting a divorce if it is not already final. Ashley has left Matthew twice. Now I hear rumors that Ashley is wanting to get back together with Matthew for a 3rd time. I cant not believe this. I would like to think Matthew is smarter than that but maybe he isnt. After Ashley left this last time I told Matthew to move on. He didnt deserve that from someone like her. Someone that goes off gets knocked up comes back to only leave AGAIN. No!! Move on Matthew. I understand they have kids together but I have heard from a very reliable souce that Ashley only ever sees those kids when it is good for her. Because you know GOD forbid, she spend time with the children she bore. But hey, who am I to judge. I just think it is boggus. She is probably broke and about to get kicked out on her butt. It really saddens me to think that some people can manipulate other people to that degree. I hope for the betterment of the children (understanding the situation) Matthew will move on and let her fall and learn from her mistakes. Im not saying not let her be a part of their lives, but she chose to leave. Twice. Why would you even consider letting her come back. I dont know what to think. I know this is probably none of my business but I just wonder about the kids well being. If Matthew and Ashley are going to be this selfish (again, you would have to understand the situation) those boys, my nephews, dont need to be with them. They are not mentally stable enough to raise them. Im probably talking out of turn but I dont really care. I just care too much about Matthew and those boys to see this happen again.

Here lately

2009-02-10T07:38:00.000-08:00

My dad came over last night for dinner. It was his 60th birthday. WOW!! I cant believe my dad is 60!!! Why does his age make me feel so old? It was nice. We hadnt spoke in awhile due to my sister but the company he works for is going to e sending him down for a couple of months and we thought it would be good for us to get reconnected. Funny how we, father and daughter have to "reconnect".
Normally when we are together things are great! But our relationship is so fragile that any little thing will send it into shut down mode. It is kinda sad really but it works for us. I dont think my mom likes it that we are talking. For awhile things were good between them. That was until Melaney did what she did. Now they wont even say the other ones name. Ive watched my mom and dad grow old right in front of my eyes.
This world could come to an end any moment. I want to be ready. I think this is my way of showing Christ like love. Loving my mom and dad thru it all and maybe that will show them that whatever problems they have with each other they did to put them aside and move on.
It was fun last night. The kids love seeing my dad and I think it makes my dad's world seeing them and the kids having fun when he is around.

My mom just found out that her brother has colon cancer. She has been going thru alot lately and when she found out that Melaney was in town for dad's birthday and didnt stop by to say hi to her made her feel horrible. That's putting it nice. I pray my mom will be able to find comfort in the LORD right now.

Kendra is reading and becoming more beautiful every day. Logan is getting so big and doesnt cry anymore when I drop him off at day care. Well, he does cry if his pacifier is in his mouth. But thats okay.

Aaron is kicking ass and taking names at work. He is working so hard. I pray for the LORD to lift him up and keep him strong. I recently started torturing myself at my local school gym. I hate that I have let myself go. But the Im taking the first step to fixing what I dont like. I have a way to go and I will get there.

One on One time & Family time

2009-02-07T17:32:00.000-08:00

I am always struggling with, "Am I spending enough time with each kid individually"? I think Friday was my anwser. Thursday are short days for me in school so I decided I wanted to keep Logan with me so I could take him with me to my MOPS meeting. So I went to class and picked Logan up from Aaron and we went to the meeting. We got there and I found out the speaker of the morning was going to be a lady that is over the MOPPETS program for the meetings. She asked Logan to go with her after the discussion and much to my surprise, he went. I had at great time at the remainder of the meeting. Afterwords, we did some shopping and went to pick up sissy. Friday morning I dropped him off at day-care and went to school. After I was done I called Aaron to see how everything was going (because Aaron takes Kendra on the route with him when she is not in school). He said he got finished early and they were headed to the park. I met them at the park and right as I got there Aaron got swamped with phone calls and orders so it just left me and Kendra to play. It was awesome!! I pushed her on the swing for almost 30 minutes and we went down the slide at least a dozen times. We played hide and seek over and over again. After we had exhausted ourselves, Kendra suggested Jason's Deli for lunch (the kid eats better than I do). The three of us went to lunch and had a great time. We left to pick up brother and then went home. This morning (Saturday), the four of us hung out and watched Scooby-Doo while eating breakfast. I use to feel obligated to do some kind of craft with them because I was often told "letting your kids watch TV is BAD for them". I cant speak for everyone, but sometimes, I just want to do nothing and just RELAX. So we, our family, did just that today. For the first time in a long time. We did absolutly nothing. And you know what? It was nice and my kids were happy and they still have the use of their brains. And Aaron and I gained some sanity back.

What do I do?

2009-02-04T08:02:00.000-08:00

i really dont know what to think of this. we have some friends that are going thru a really hard time right now. He has been cheating on her for the last year and she just gave birth to their 3rd child. she wont leave him because she feels like she is doing the right thing by giving him another chance. they have tried marriage counseling and that apparently didnt work. now they want to move to somewhere remote to get away from everyone. well my genius sister-in-law and another friend of ours, suggested theh move down here. in fact, right next door to us (my in-laws are moving out of town and they would let them live in the house and just pay the utilities). On one hand I think Aaron and I could help them but on the other hand I dont want to burder of helping. does that make sense? am i a bad person? Aaron and i are around so many couples that are having a hard time right now and need help. we dont want to live right next door to a couple struggling. Aaron feels that if the guy did or said something, he would have to intervene as do i. we want to help her and the kids but i dont know if i could be a big enough person and really whole heartedly want to help the guy. I know i probably should but this (as many of yall may know) hits close to home. I have no remorse for people that cheat on their spouses. and im kinda upset that she is willing to drag her kids thru this painful time. im praying right now for GOD's wisedom to come oaver me and point me in the right direction.

Houston, We have CARROTS!?

2009-01-27T19:50:00.000-08:00

Houston we have CARROTS!? Yes you read that right. We have carrots growing in our backyard. Too see the excitment on Kendra's face when we pulled one up was Priceless. Kendra has really been into "science experiments" lately. So we thought it would be easier to let her "experiment" outside. We tilled up the ground, planted the seeds and now we are getting to harvest what we sowed. It is awesome. Of coarse this made me think of the kids.

Tonight we were going over Kendra's reading homework. That's right. At 4 yrs old, Kendra has reading homework. The majority of it is site words but still. She is reading 4-5 word sentences. This week's book has been the hardest yet. Cathy Cook. When Kendra would get to the word, cooking, she would mix it up with the words making or baking. I think I know way. I always tell her, "Im making dinner. Im baking cookies." I dont think Ive ever used the word cooking.

The point wasnt that she was saying the words, the point was I was sitting down with my 4 yr old daughter and she was reading to me. Normally I dont have alot of patience. But, oddly I found myself calm and collected listening to her read to me in that sweet angelic voice. I cant believe my little baby is growing up.

Let me count the ways I love you GLENN BECK!!

2009-01-27T12:20:00.000-08:00

Glenn Beck: America's March to Socialism
Audio Available:

January 27, 2009 - 12:32 ET

Video from Glenn Beck's new show on the Fox News Channel... Is President Obama's stimulus package socialism in disguise? Watch Glenn Beck weeknights at 5p ET on the Fox News Channel...

VOICE: The Glenn Beck program presents more truth behind America's march to socialism.

GLENN: Are we doing this every day, Stu? Every day, right? Every day we're going to do our march to socialism. I'm just going to bring you up to speed because it's happening every single day we get another step closer to socialism. And let me just start here. Do you remember? This was probably a year ago I said, "They're going to nationalize our finances, they're going to nationalize our energy and they are going to nationalize our industry." I said, "You watch, those three things are coming." And everybody said, "Oh, you're crazy, right-wingers." Do you remember when I called Obama a socialist and all of the media, anybody who called Obama a socialist or a Marxist or had Marxist philosophies, we were crazy. We had to be shut down: "That's crazy. What do you think Obama's going to do if he gets elected? Do you think he's going to start nationalizing businesses?" "Yes." "That's great. You're a paranoid conspiracy freak."

Today from the New York Times, quote: Only five days into the Obama presidency, members of the new administration and Democratic leaders in congress are already dancing around one of the most politically delicate questions about -- delicate? -- about the financial bailout. Is the president prepared to nationalize a huge swath of the nation's banking system?

Really? You're right. I was crazy. I thought it would take at least a week.

"In an interview on Sunday on This Week on ABC, House speaker Nancy Pelosi alluded to an internal debate when she was asked whether nationalization or partial nationalization of the largest banks was a good idea. Her response? Well, whatever you want to call it."

I don't -- excuse me? That -- what? Quoting the New York Times: "Privately, most members of the Obama economic team concede that the rapid deterioration of the country's biggest banks, notably Bank of America and Citigroup, is bound to require far larger investments of taxpayer money atop the more than $300 billion of taxpayer money already poured into these two financial institutions and hundreds of others." And you thought $45 billion of your money was going to be enough for Citigroup. You're so silly. Silly rabbit, Trix are for politicians. But hey, listen, here's the good news. You already own 7.8% of the country -- of the company. So why not go for the whole thing? I mean, do you really want to be a minor shareholder? Let's own the whole damn thing. I mean, at least then we can get them to, you know, pay for all the cool stuff, you know, with your money. By the way, congratulations on your new purchase. I don't know if you know this. You're about to own 7.8% of a brand-new $50 million private jet. That's right. CitiBank ordered a fancy private jet a couple of years ago and instead of, you know, reconsidering it, they're just going to take delivery on it. I can't wait. I think this is great. What do you say? This weekend we go 7.8% of the way to Bahamas? Yeah, socialism!

VOICE: That was even more overwhelming evidence that we are destined to be a bunch of socialist pigs very, very soon. On the Glenn Beck program.

My best friend called me last night

2009-01-23T11:06:00.000-08:00

My best friend called me last night. It was actually really funny that she called when she did because Aaron and I were talking about how I must have done something wrong to make her mad at me. See, when I started school last semester, I kinda dropped off the face of the Earth (more than I had already done). We told each other that we would watch Grey's Anatomy together (she being in Houston and me being in the valley) over the phone. I watched a couple of episodes and everything was going great until I started having to go to my Math lab. Well, that meant by the time I finished class and got home (home, is a 30 min drive) Grey's would be half way over. Then Aaron would have a softball game and I would go just because I needed a break and some fresh air. Eventually, I just stopped watching Grey's. That lead to me not calling as much. I was feeling overwhelmed with 13 hrs of school, 2 kids and a full time husband. I was really slipping up on everything. Even my friendships. I felt horrible about it but what could I do? Needless to say I hadnt talked to her in awhile and I was starting to wonder if she would ever return any of my phone calls (now I understand what she must have felt).

The new school semester started 2 weeks ago. My mornings pretty much go like this. Wake up at 5:30 am. Shower, get dress, make-up, hair. 6:15-6:30 am wake up kids and feed them. NO later than 6:45 am the kids have to get dressed. No later than 7:15 am we have to be out the door because we have what should be a 20 min drive but turns into 30 because of school zones (I have to go through 3) traffic and dropping 2 different kids off in 2 different places. Then finally getting to class on time by 8am. Yeah, I know what you are thinking. It makes me tired just writting it. So, normally we are in bed by 8:30 pm. Sorry Tyler and Jordan for all the teasing I did.
My best friend called right at 8:59 pm last night. Do you think I was not going to answer? We talked for about 30 mintues. We talked about wieght, the kids, her nephew, and of coarse Grey's Anatomy. And how stupid we thought it was getting until we found out that the writter's are doing off with Izzy's character.

It was great getting to talk to her. Just hearing her voice made me feel at ease. I love her so much and miss her even more. She said she was going to try and get down here sometime in Febuary. I know she loves seeing her nephew. All I can do is pray that GOD sets aside some time for us to see each other and catch up.
My best friend call me last night.

LIfe is to short to cry over spilled coffee.

2009-01-22T07:59:00.000-08:00

Logan started his first day of day care yesturday. I think it was more scary for me than him. Although, he didnt take to it too well at first, after breakfast he did great. I guess it's true. The way to a man's heart is thru his tummy. My little Logan is getting so big. Today, Aaron was dropping off the kids. Kendra went in with Logan while Aaron was signing him in. Aaron said that Kendra was calming Logan down and playing with him and trying to get him to play with the other kids so Logan wouldnt be scared when they left. When it was time to go Aaron called for Kendra. Apparently, Logan started yelling "Daddy! Daddy!", but Aaron never heard him "crying". When Kendra walked out of the room Aaron asked her if Logan's was crying tears. Kendra simply replied, "no. he was just calling for you. but I told him that mommy would be back to pick him up and he had nothing to worry about. now go play and have fun today brother." My sweet babies are growing up so fast. They remind my everyday that life is so short. And its too short to worry about the small things. I asked Kendra to hold my travel mug of HOT coffee this morning on our way out the door. In doing so she dropped and the coffee seemed to cover every inch of our living room floor. I was so mad!!!! I yelled, "GO outside!" I threw a towel over the coffee and ran out the door. She was climbing into the car. As I was walking by the car, I just glared at her. I got into our other car and was getting ready to pull out. She came running to my door. Kendra said," I was trying to help you mommy. Im sorry." That broke my hear. I was abut to leave for the morning withour saying good bye to her or giving her a hug. And for what? A little spilled coffee? How terrible I am. I got out of the car and looked at her tear filled eyes and told her I was sorry for being so mean to her and that I loved her very much. "It was just coffee", I told her. She smiled and wiped away the tears. I felt better and she knew that I loved her. Life is too short to be angry over a little spilled coffee.

Loving Well

2009-01-14T12:50:00.000-08:00

Okay....I cant help but think...maybe I was....possibly....a little too harsh in my last entry. I dont think so, but Aaron read it and said I was being mean. Well, after going to a ladies retreat, maybe I was. I attended a ladies retreat at the same church where Kendra goes to school. We did a Beth Moore "bible study". It was called Loving Well. It was awesome!! I really learned alot.
I have always struggled with really loving people as Christ-like as possible (for me). The whole time I was being tested. The girl that organized the event is one of my "testies" (a person that Beth Moore defines as someone that makes you want to eat alot). She put me at a table where I knew no one. All my friends that were there were sitting at her table. She told me that she hand picked the groups into which we were divided. I thought "how nice. But, focus Stacey. We are here this weekend to learn to love the people that test us." So. needless to say I bit my tongue and submerged myself into GOD's word.
I know this was a study I needed to do. I finally feel that it is okay to feel loved and give love. I didnt say it wouldnt be hard. I tend to put up walls around my heart so I dont get hurt. I learned its okay if it happens. GOD loves me. He loves me when Im not even likable. I cant even say that about my worst enemy. I cant like my enemies let alone love them.
I learned with alot of help I can try. It will take some getting use to. A ton of patience and alot of gum. I have to remember, GOD pours his perfect love into my imperfect heart. Romans 5:5

You are so fake.

2009-01-08T12:56:00.000-08:00

I hate the fact that my daughter goes to a so called "Christian" pre-school yet a few of the new moms like to make me feel like I'm beneath them. These are women I see around town all the time. Women that I respect and would enjoy their company if they weren't so cliquish. I walk in and get the feeling I'm being looked down upon all the time. I hate it! A part of me wants to think its because we don't go to the same church they do. Another part of me thinks its because Aaron and I don't make as much money and they feel like I am trash. But man, I almost Hate going up there. Nobody is genuine. Their idea of friendly is flashing a fake smile and a nod of the head. I'm not looking for a hand out.
I think that's why I joined MOPS. Some of the women there understand the fact that we all are different and that's OK. GOD loves us all the same. I guess as humans we are not capable of that kind of compassion towards one another.
When I go up to the school, I'm looking at these other women whom are the mothers of Kendra's friends. I can't help but think one day when the kids are older, Kendra and some of them are going to be really good friends. That is if the other kids moms don't get in the way.
If we are suppose to encourage our children to get along and NOT to discriminate, aren't we suppose to set an example? There is so much division there at that school. There use to be a time when I loved dropping her off. There was so much warmth and positive energy. Not any more. Other than the fact that Kendra is actually learning the basics, I cant wait for the day when she is out of there.

Honey-Dos

2009-01-05T14:26:00.001-08:00

So Aaron was suppose to be taking a few days off and relaxing. Well thanka to his busy body of a wife, I had a list of honey-dos for him. You can guess what the list had on it.

2009-01-02T20:10:00.000-08:00

I just watched the most disturbing 20/20 special ever!!! Im mean Im all for giving birth at home but where do you draw the line? Also, when do you stop nursing your child? Im sorry, but when your child is old enough to identify your breasts, (let's say age 8) you need to stop nursing! Plus, I would not want to give birth like 12 times!! ABC talked to a woman that had given birth 11 or 12 times. She was a (forgive the spelling) surragant mother. I understand wanting to help a family out (I and my soon to be ex-sister-in-law where asked to be surragants). But that many times? You are just doing it for the money. I dont know. I was taken back by all the women in the program that were interviewed. Although, oddly enough, Im hoping I will conceive again just to hopefully experience an orgazmic birth. Check it out at ABCNews.com Have a good night!

Welcome to the year 2009!!

2009-01-01T19:13:00.000-08:00

I cant believe it is 2009! It just seems like yesturday that I was in school writting 1998 on all my papers and was wondering what living in the year 2000 would be like. Well the year 2000 has come and gone. Now we are in 2009. In eleven years, Ive been married for five, gave birth to our two beautiful children and we some how managed to buy our first house. How time flies. And sometimes, you dont even have to be having fun. You just have to be living.

This past year proved to be roller coster ride for my family. Kendra turned 4 and thinks she owns the world (we dont have the heart to tell her any different). We celebrated Logan's 1st birthday (which was one that was spent with him throwing up on me and everything around us). Shortly after, my sister ran away from home and dropped out of school. My dad and I fell out of touch. Again. Matthew and Ashley filed for divorce. Phillip and Jennifer are pregnant with baby combo number two. I went back to school and Aaron's sales route was destroyed by Hurricane Dolly.

Overall, I fill more blessed than ever before. I feel GOD has been moving thru me in ways I couldnt imagine until now. He has blessed us with a daughter that makes me want to be a better wife and mother and woman. She encouarges me and gives me strength. She never fails at being "Mommy's" cheerleader. GOD blessed us with Logan when we gave up hope of having any more children. Logan is my little cuddle bug. He always wants to be with me and love on me. He is always there when I need a little pick me up. He is my little man. Then there is my husband Aaron. I cant say enough about this man that rescued my from myself and turned me into the wife and mother I am today. He always believes in me and never lets me settle for less than the best. He loves my faults and my strengths. He loves me when Im as big as a whale carrying his child and when Im running my fat butt off trying to be that hot sexy wife I think he wants when in all honesty, he loves me for me.

Would I like to have more money, weight less, and be more organized? Well yeah! Duh!! But GOD thinks Im better off with what he has already given me. If it is good enough for him, then it is more than good enough for me.